Not that it matters, but the first funeral I ever attended was my Uncle Edgie. He shot himself in the head when I was 12. He loved his family enough to leave a note on the door instructing them to call the police and not to enter. We all thought that was good of him. I did not know him very well. My father said he made some bad choices. But he did write that note, and for that he was forgiven.
I still feel involving innocent people in a suicide is horribly horribly wrong and selfish. And I know that train engineers are very afraid of collisions. I don't know what else to say. I won't defend myself if you still need to vent at me.