Twelve books of Christmas: From romance to zombies

Washington Post ^ | 12-18-12 | Yvonne Zipp

[dynachrome]

Aside from the gold rings and maybe the geese and French hens (great for urban farmers), the traditional 12 days of gifts just don’t cut it for the modern Christmas list. Swans bite; 12 drummers would give anybody a migraine in an enclosed space — ditto, the 11 pipers. Eight maids could at least help with the entertaining, but you get the idea: We need a better list. So here, for your “true love,” we offer the 12 Books of Christmas, a dazzling spectrum of publishing ingenuity. There are even holiday zombies, although their ideas of red and green decorations don’t involve tinsel . . . .

[dynachrome]

Somewhat non-traditonal Christmas books.

;)

[dynachrome]

Check out #5 on page 2. A Savage Christmas!

[hosepipe]

The 12 days of Zeroness...

On the first day of Zeroness
My true love gave to me
A federal givernment check.

On the second day of Zeroness
My true love gave to me
Two Liars a’lying
And a federal givernment check

On the third day of Zeroness
My true love gave to me
Three Medical Quacks, two Liars a’lying
And a federal givernment check

On the fourth day of Zeroness
My true love gave to me

Four Hopes for Utopia
Three Medical Quacks, two Liars a’lying
And a federal givernment check

On the fifth day of Zeroness
My true love gave to me

Five promises for change, four Hopes for Utopia
Three Medical Quacks, two Liars a’lying
And a federal givernment check

What form of givernment and how much is the check?
I don't know so please don't ask me
But I can bet those are terrible gifts to get

On the sixth day of Zeroness
My true love gave to me
Six republicans a’groveling

Five promises for change, four Hopes for Utopia
Three Medical Quacks, two Liars a’lying
And a federal givernment check

On the seventh day of Zeroness
My true love gave to me
Seven democrats hee-hawing, six republicans a’groveling

Five promises for change, four Hopes for Utopia
Three Medical Quacks, two Liars a’lying
And a federal givernment check

On the eighth day of Zeroness
My true love gave to me
Eight Lobbiyists a’Pimping
Seven democrats hee-hawing, six republicans a’groveling

Five promises for change, four Hopes for Utopia
Three Medical Quacks, two Liars a’lying
And a federal givernment check

On the ninth day of Zeroness
My true love gave to me
Nine Chicago gangsters, eight Lobbiyists a’Pimping
Seven democrats hee-hawing, six republicans a’groveling

Five promises for change, four Hopes for Utopia,
Three Medical Quacks, two Liars a’lying,
And a federal givernment check

On the tenth day of Zeroness
My true love gave to me

Ten traitors a’cheating,Nine Chicago gangsters,
eight maids-a-milking, Seven democrats hee-hawing,
six republicans a’groveling

Five promises for change, four Hopes for Utopia
Three Medical Quacks, two Liars a’lying
And a federal givernment check

On the eleventh day of Zeroness
My true love gave to me

Eleven abortions for compassion, ten traitors a’cheating
Nine Chicago gangsters, eight Lobbyists a’Pimping
Seven democrats hee-hawing, six republicans a’groveling

Five promises for change, four Hopes for Utopia
Three Medical Quacks, two Liars a’lying
And a federal givernment check

On the twelfth day of Zeroness
My true love gave to me

Twelve Judges a’drooling, Eleven abortions for compassion,
ten traitors a’cheating, Nine Chicago gangsters, eight Lobbiyists a’Pimping
Seven democrats hee-hawing, six republicans a’groveling

Five promises for change, four Hopes for Utopia
Three Medical Quacks, two Liars a’lying
And a federal givernment check

****

[dynachrome]

LOL!

[hosepipe]