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I have a friend who is married, and was married once before, neither time very happily, as it happens.

She can be quite demanding, but perhaps the men she chose weren’t exactly high-fidelity either, if you get my (and their tendency to) drift.

She refers to them as the Past Rat and the Present Rat.

She is a woman of some financial means, and she has had to make a series of alimony payments to the first husband, and she is about to pay off the Present Rat to get him out of the picture too—a kind of prenuptial going-away present.

The problem is the pay-off to the Present Rat is going to take most of her available cash, leaving her only with hard assets, including a very large jewelry collection; and she still owes the first husband one more sizeable alimony payment.

What should I do? she asked me the other day.

I told her to pay off present loser in cash as quickly as she can, because he is definitely trouble.

As to the first husband, I pointed to her rather excessive assortment of jewelry, and told her it was simple: “Give the Past Rat a Gem!”