A man is complaining to a friend: “I had it all, money, a beautiful house, a nice car, a great motorcycle, the love of a beautiful woman. Then it was all gone!”
“What happened?” asks the friend.
“My wife found out!” replied the man.
A husband and wife were debating on buying a new car. She wanted a fast sports car. He wanted a pickup. As time passed on, her birthday came up and she thought it a great time to fulfill her wish.
She told her husband, “Look, I want something that can go from 0 to 200. Furthermore, I want it to be able to do it in just a few seconds!”
The husband bought her a bathroom scale.
(The funeral is at 3:00pm Wednesday)