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My late Aunt Hildegard used to say stuff like that. You know, "We need more vanities, Billy," and "wipe your nose, there's a booger hanging down," and "Don't poop in the baby's bassinet again, dear," which really irritated me because I hadn't done anything like that at least since my 40th birthday. Those were the days, though. She'd hike her game leg up over a milk can and hock a tobacco-stained loogie to the dust outside the barn and reminisce about the time Uncle Charlie - he wasn't really my uncle, she was just his parole officer - about the time he went door-to-door campaigning for Al Gore in the middle of a coal-mining town and ended up tarred and feathered and ridden out of town on a rail, which was exciting for him because this particular rail had a train on it coming his direction.

We sort of drifted out of politics after that and went our separate ways. She was a big Clinton supporter who was really ticked off when I told her that Hoover was back in the White House as a Democrat in a blue dress this time and that she ought to apply since she could suck a golf ball through a garden hose herself and she said "No, I can't," and I said "Tried it, didja?" and then she hit me with a serving dish full of candied yams and Thanksgiving dinner was pretty much over except for the gunfire later.

But I stayed in touch. When Uncle Charlie finally pulled parole for that morals charge - underage livestock, I shoulda toldja he was a Democrat too - anyway, he came to live with us and Pa sold the sheep herd and started to raise alligators and Charlie's little problem just seemed to go away. Aunt Hildegard was happy. I was happy. The sheep was happy. The alligators was hungry.

Well, that pretty much brings you up to date except for the double amputation thing Charlie got into sometime later when I was at school. They settled in and as far as I know are still happy running the alligator farm. He can't vote being a felon and all so she votes for him and for herself too and some of the sheep. Toldja she was a Democrat.

Dang Big ole LOL Bill. That was good!

“Well, that pretty much brings you up to date except for the double amputation thing...”
Why do prosthetics cost an arm and a leg?
I was born on a mayonaise farm. When I was six I fell off the truck. It was going Forward...

I don’t usually like vanity threads, but your post #49 made my day. It’s good to have humor in one’s life.
Especially these days.

Thank you for the belly laughs. They helped to lift my mood, it has been a tough day for me emotionally.