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The Best and Funniest Country (esp. the South and Mid-West) Expressions [Vanity]
Pharmboy | 9-21-12 | Everyone

Posted on 09/21/2012 1:58:04 PM PDT by Pharmboy

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He was going faster than a greased rattlesnake going downhill on an icy road with an 80mph wind down its back.

(this isn’t a real saying...its a very obscure trivia question...I will be beyond impressed if anybody can tag the reference)


81 posted on 09/21/2012 2:46:04 PM PDT by dsrtsage (One half of all people have below average IQ. In the US the number is 54%)
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To: Pharmboy
She was ugly enough to make a freight train took a dirt road.

We were raised so far back in the woods that they had to pipe in sunlight.

82 posted on 09/21/2012 2:48:25 PM PDT by rightly_dividing
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To: Pharmboy

The Pennsylvania Dutch manner of speaking changed the pattern of grammar around to interesting effect, such as:

“Throw the cows over the fence some hay.”


83 posted on 09/21/2012 2:49:09 PM PDT by yefragetuwrabrumuy (DIY Bumper Sticker: "THREE TIMES,/ DEMOCRATS/ REJECTED GOD")
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To: Pharmboy

It’s colder than a witch’s t!t.

Dumb as a box of rocks.

Who died and made you king?

Well butter my biscuts, look who’s here!

Don’t let the door hit cha where the good Lord split cha.

Bless her heart,...(a backhanded “compliment”)

Rare as a hen’s tooth.

Well, I’ll be.

I’m fixin’ to go out now, so I’ll see ya’ll ‘round.


84 posted on 09/21/2012 2:49:43 PM PDT by SaraJohnson
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To: yarddog
In a similar vein, from upstate NY, around Albany, instead of "make yourself at home" from the host when you walk in: "Make yourself ta home." I always thought that was just so charming.
85 posted on 09/21/2012 2:50:26 PM PDT by Pharmboy (Democrats lie because they must.)
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To: Noumenon

She’s uglier than a mud fence.


86 posted on 09/21/2012 2:50:55 PM PDT by Ax
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To: Pharmboy
From the cornfields of Iowa....in response to a lame joke...........

"Well....that fell flatter than a turd from a tall cow!"

87 posted on 09/21/2012 2:51:03 PM PDT by Diego1618 ( Put "Ron" on the rock!)
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To: Pharmboy

I wonder if anyone else remembers when the trunk of a car was called the “cooter hull”?


88 posted on 09/21/2012 2:51:12 PM PDT by yarddog
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To: Pharmboy

Dumb as a oyster.

Southern Maryland


89 posted on 09/21/2012 2:52:00 PM PDT by Palio di Siena
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To: Pharmboy

It was rainin like a cow pissin on a flat rock.


90 posted on 09/21/2012 2:54:56 PM PDT by Lurkina.n.Learnin (Ignorance is bliss- I'm stoked)
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To: yarddog

That cop was on that guy like Holy on the Pope.


91 posted on 09/21/2012 2:56:01 PM PDT by Ax
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To: madison10

a few french fries short of a Happy Meal

You think he’s stupid, you should see his brother—he walks like this.

He’s so dumb he thinks an innuendo is an Italian suppository.

Too poor to own a dog.

My mother used to say “If we had ham, we could have ham and eggs, if we had eggs.” (Said rarely, only at appropriate moments.)

Russell Baker about his uncle or father (can’t remember which) when it was 30 below and he had to go outside to feed the animals or whatever: “There’s a right smart o’ wind out there.”


92 posted on 09/21/2012 2:59:43 PM PDT by firebrand
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To: Pharmboy

From my Dad many years ago on a rainy day in Indiana:

“It’s raining harder than a double peckered billy goat peeing on a flat rock”


93 posted on 09/21/2012 3:00:16 PM PDT by Submariner
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To: Pharmboy

One of my favorites came from my college room-mate, while watching someone (me, sometimes) struggle with a simple task:

“You’re not a tool-using mammal, are you?”

and some others:

“Not the deepest puddle...”

“Looks like the ugly truck did a burn-out on her face”

“She’s got a butterface - everything looks good but her face”

“Queer as a 3-dollar bill”

“Sweating like Woody Allen in a chinese high school”


94 posted on 09/21/2012 3:03:51 PM PDT by lump in the melting pot (Communism - a social experiment which, for ethical reasons, should not be performed on live humans)
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To: Pharmboy

From central Florida (my dad):

A hard rain is a “gully washer”

When my sister and I were being slow we were either “lollygagging” or “slower than molasses on Christmas morning” and to correct the situation we needed to “hit another cog”

A fat person was “bear bait”

If something had to be done right away it needed to be done “lickity split”

Tires were “nail traps”

Brazil nuts were “nigger toes”

Colleges were places where “smart people learned to be dumb”

Another good line “Stupid Should Hurt”

And one that I never understood: That is dumber than latex on a cat’s paw


95 posted on 09/21/2012 3:07:14 PM PDT by taxcontrol
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To: Pharmboy

‘all his puppies ain’t barkin’’ said about someone who wasn’t quite sane. same great aunt.


96 posted on 09/21/2012 3:08:22 PM PDT by Black Agnes
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To: Rutabega

Line from Dolly Parton love song:

“You can eat crackers in MY bed ANY ole time!”


97 posted on 09/21/2012 3:13:18 PM PDT by BwanaNdege (Man has often lost his way, but modern man has lost his address - Gilbert K. Chesterton)
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To: madison10

That’s a keeper


98 posted on 09/21/2012 3:13:29 PM PDT by silentreignofheroes
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To: Pharmboy

My father-in-law (1930-2011 and a Korean war veteran) used to say:

“Running around like a fart in a lantern”

“Faster than sh*t through a goose”

“A-okay on the LBJ”


99 posted on 09/21/2012 3:14:54 PM PDT by MeganC (The Cinemark theatre in Aurora, CO is a 'Gun Free Zone'. Spread the word.)
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To: Pharmboy
"Bless your little heart." - South of the Mason Dixon line.

Don't ever want to hear that said to you.

5.56mm

100 posted on 09/21/2012 3:18:39 PM PDT by M Kehoe
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