p.s. if you don't already own one, but a DayTimer and fill it out daily as the day goes by, it has saved my butt more than once...
Posted on 08/25/2012 8:21:45 PM PDT by ARCADIA
OMG, I've been calling it the Sunday Night Terrors. Sleep badly, knot of free-floating anxiety in stomach, excessive relief after Monday over that it wasn't as bad as my soul had imagined it would be (usually). I am so freeping out of there and I'm not looking back. It was how I had to whore myself out to get my masters degree and... Mission Accomplished. (p.s. I'm in the > 50 group too)
Yeah, I figure you gotta look at it like it’s a poker game, and you never want to reveal all of your cards, and you don’t want to tip your hand with emotional outbursts of any kind. Silence is often your best weapon. So many emails I’ve received that made me sooo angry that I’ve stopped, bided my time, and in the end did not respond at all. This leaves the other person wondering because they know deep down that they exposed their own weakness with the attack—they don’t know WHAT you did with that email.
Also, I’m sort of learning how to kill people with kindness. Sometimes I like a person and I can tell they don’t care for me that much, but I just go ahead and like them anyway. I can find someone annoying at times and still like them as a person.
Permit me to share my very different story—it might add perspective to yours. Although I had a crazy father for a “boss” and one or two job-bosses who were difficult, essentially I’ve been extraordinarily blessed. My first main boss became my mother in the faith, leading me to the Lord through prayer, witnessing, and finally sending me to an evangelical conference where I believed. You would both, I suspect, be astonished, given your experiences, to meet someone like that, but since she’s a believer, meet her you will, someday.
Unmistakeable miracles were happening to me, so that I was very aware of the Lord’s hand at every step; indeed, I met my future wife the same week I met the Lord—it was as though He said, “Now that Dan’s a believer, we need to mate him up, quickly!” Looking back I could certainly see that God had steered me to that boss in the first place. And miracles continued occurring. Twenty-three years ago I needed a new job, and again it miraculously appeared: God provided this job. As it happens, I’m the president of a company owned by another, and often many months go by without any contact at all between my and my boss (who is not a believer, by the way). He trusts me and leaves me alone almost completely as long as I produce, so in that sense it is very unlike your situations. Again, I’m contrasting my position with yours.
But note this. God got me this job, so only God can take me out of it! I’m 63 and might consider retiring soon if not for that, but only God can tell me how long to stay in this spot where He put me. I’ve told this to those who might be my heir-apparents, so they know there’s no timetable (unless they bump me off) when I might leave so one of them might take over.
We can trust Him for our jobs, our bosses, our retirement--for our everything. To Him be all praise and honor and glory!
p.s. if you don't already own one, but a DayTimer and fill it out daily as the day goes by, it has saved my butt more than once...
I haven’t gotten to the point where I can sincerely pray for my boss, but I’ve stopped thinking about retaliation and to let my own good work speak for itself, each time she belittles my efforts. It’s not easy but it’s keeping me sane. I do like the other idea of writing down everything boss says. LOL. At the moment, I am saving and printing out e-mails of her silliness.
No need. His boss will find out all by himself. Who do you think they call for references?
with a camera even... very cool!
I would advise against that because then it would be known to be an obvious set-up. If you just get the resume out into the major job places like Monster, chances are the HR department will run across it. I would suggest checking “yes” when the ad asks if it can contact your boss’s current supervisor.
My former boss is a sociopath. I’m grateful that I had the choice to leave — You only get one shot at this life. Unless you feel called to make a difference there, it’s better to look ahead to what’s next in life. My relationship with my boss was ridiculous. He is power-hungry, manipulative and narcissistic. Trying to communicate with him was wasted effort.
Instead of a pocket recorder, I made sure I had my iPhone with me whenever I met with him. I used the voice memo app to record every conversation. He lied so often, I wanted to make sure I had proof for my own protection if I ever needed it. Thank God I didn’t.
Most people don’t leave jobs, they leave bosses. Ask God for protection and guidance. He will lead...He always does.
You’re so right; silence and/or kindness work.
Thank you Hebrews 11:6! I love your story. The enemy lies and tells us we’re worthless and that it will be impossible to find a good job situation but it’s a liar and God blesses us beyond imagination. I am glad we can encourage each other.
Good for you. I will pray for you and ARCADIA, thanking God in advance for resolving your situations better than either of you could have imagined.
That's what we're for!
Praying for your boss might not change the boss but it definitely changes your own heart. In my case, it was humbling because I started to see that he was just an insecure person intimidated by all the sharp legal and policy people we worked with, and I also saw how if I didn’t have faith in a loving and just God, I could justify similar (if not worse) behavior. Didn’t help me like him any better but it did help me loathe him a little less.
Also, sounds like the lines of communication are very poor and counterproductive. He should not be implying anything- he should be direct with you. This is not the hallmark of a good leader. Were I you, I'd take it upon myself to become the foremost expert/authority in the office on the next proposal, and be more assertive, even instant in the next meeting about your goals. Calmly and with due deference, of course. He may not adopt your proposal but he will respect you.
Your inclination to seek a better work environment is a good move, and be sure to interview your potential bosses as carefully as they do you.
I wouldn't be discouraged about your career phase, but I'm not in your field. Alternatively, could anything positive come from another mindset? Finding a new, better job is infinitely easier than starting your own business at this stage. I expect an uptick in the economy as soon as the 1st qtr of 2013 if Ryan-Romney is elected. Hang in there, don't burn bridges, and good luck.
Yes, I know it may have little effect on her but that it’s for my benefit. I’ve just fallen so short, I don’t want to sound hypocritical as I do pray for her. I guess I need to back and ask that God deal with me first :-) Thanks for the encouragement!
Autocorrect may be the downfall of man.
Good for you!
You are correct, he did not hire me. In fact, he’s always talking about the bad team he inherited.
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