You don’t know how to use the three seashells??
Seriously, last year, we sprung for a bidet.
Warm seat in the winter, warm water, no more ‘post shower sh—’ issues, no more hemorrhoids or other discomforts, ...
I will never go back and I don’t know why everyone isn’t doing this. It’s about $500 on Amazon and worth every penny. We’re buying one for a relative for the holidays.