A very good amateur golfer lost his arm in an industrial accident. Following rehab, he tried to learn to play golf again with just one arm but never could quite get the hang of it. He became so depressed he decided to commit suicide.
As he was standing on the roof of a tall building getting ready to jump he looked down and saw guy this skipping around as happy as can be. As he took even a closer look, he noticed the guy skipping had no arms. Now - he was ashamed of himself. Here he was - with one arm - feeling sorry for himself - ready to end it all — and there’s a guy on the ground with no arms - as happy as could be.
So - instead of jumping he decided to go down and thank the guy for saving his life. When he got down off the roof and caught up with him, he said - I want to thank you for saving my life. Here I am - one arm and ready to commit suicide - and yet I see you with NO arms, happy as can be. I’m ashamed of myself.
The guy with no arms says — Well I’m happy I saved your life but I’m not happy otherwise -— my ASS itches.
A man has always wanted a hand made, custom suit. Not having enough money for the best tailor in town, he goes to a lesser tailor and is fit for the suit to realize his dream.
The tailor takes all the measurements and then says that custom jobs are paid for in advance, no refunds. No problem as the man really wants the suit to impress his friends.
Weeks later, he goes in to pick up the suit. He tries it on when he gets home and finds that the sleeves are too short, the pant legs different lengths and the coat is way too long. Pissed off, knowing there is no returns, he throws it away.
Days later, two other guys are walking down the street and see a sad image. It’s a physically handicapped guy coming towards them, all twisted and bent.
“Gee, look at that poor bugger! Don’t you just feel for him?”, says the first guy.
“Yeah, it’s sad “. says the other. “But look on the bright side. That suit fits him to a T !”