“Cuter’n a speckled pup under a red wagon!”Ice: “Slicker’n snot on a door knob!” or “Slicker’n greased owl sh—!”Unintelligent: “Put that boys brain in a hummingbird and he’d fly upside down and backwards and suck a mule’s a— for a morning glory!”Summer weather: “It’s hotter’n a ‘leven dollar cook stove!”Winter weather: “It’s colder than a well digger’s a— in Idaho!”Penny pincher: “He’d make Lincoln squeal!” or “Three turns tighter than tree bark!”Age: “Older’n Methusalah!” or “Three years older’n dirt!” How’s bout “making groceries”and mor nervous that a long taled cat in a room full of rockers , ‘It was so quiet, you could hear a mouse pee on cotton!’’The (water/snow/whatever) was belly deep to a tall Injun!’’That ol’ boy is so crooked, when he dies they’ll just screw him in the ground?’’Where was Moses when the lights went out?’ (in the dark)’Madder’n a wet hen!’’Wilder’n a March hare!’’He was so ugly as a kid, his momma had to tie a poke chop around his neck to get the puppy to play with him!’ ‘So ugly he has to pull the sheet up over his head so sleep can slip up on him!’
Slower than molasses in January.
The wind was bloweing to beat the band.