When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.
PMS jokes aren't funny; period.
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
We are going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.
Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Velcro — what a rip off!
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy
Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
John, a friend of mine was rather “large”, and madly in love with Edith.
They dated for a long while and my buddy wanted to marry her. But she kept refusing saying that she did not want to bury a young husband. He’d have to lose weight and keep it off.
John was terribly depressed about her refusals. “What do I do? What DO I do?”, he kept asking me.
“Well, it’s simple”, I replied. “You can’t have your cake and Edith too.”
John, a friend of mine was rather “large”, and madly in love with Edith.
They dated for a long while and my buddy wanted to marry her. But she kept refusing saying that she did not want to bury a young husband. He’d have to lose weight and keep it off.
John was terribly depressed about her refusals. “What do I do? What DO I do?”, he kept asking me.
“Well, it’s simple”, I replied. “You can’t have your cake and Edith too.”