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AND, if you do see a car with an Obama bumper sticker, here's a handy note you can leave:

1 posted on 06/01/2012 6:19:53 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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To: Lucky9teen

33 posted on 06/01/2012 8:01:24 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Lucky9teen

The silliness thread is here! The silliness thread is here!

37 posted on 06/01/2012 8:24:16 AM PDT by MarineBrat (Better dead than red!)
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To: Lucky9teen; txhurl; basil; lormand; wolfcreek
Real story:

Oops! APD officers caught dragging gas nozzle through street

An embarrassing moment for some APD officers was caught on camera when a FOX 7 viewer snapped a photo of a patrol car dragging a gas nozzle through the streets.

The viewer, Nate, told FOX 7 he took the photo Wednesday morning after he dropped his daughter off at school near Koenig and Burnet.

As Nate passed the car, he said there were two officers inside and neither appeared to realize they were dragging the nozzle and hose.

Nate said the officer driving was talking on his cell phone and probably could not hear the sound of the hose dragging along.

The Austin Police Department told FOX 7 the incident was under investigation and that supervisors would determine if there will be any disciplinary action.

Have you ever driven away from the gas pump with the nozzle still in your car? If so tell us about it in the comments below.

38 posted on 06/01/2012 8:48:14 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (It's time to take out the trash in DC.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Yup!

42 posted on 06/01/2012 9:16:55 AM PDT by pikachu (After Monday and Tuesday, even the calender goes W T F !)
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To: Lucky9teen

You should have put a NSFW tag on that one! My God those limbs are pale !!! MY EYES !!!!!


44 posted on 06/01/2012 9:40:11 AM PDT by llevrok (In today's world, environmentalists would find God out of compliance with the EPA)
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To: Lucky9teen

You should have put a NSFW tag on that one! My God those limbs are pale !!! MY EYES !!!!!


45 posted on 06/01/2012 9:40:35 AM PDT by llevrok (In today's world, environmentalists would find God out of compliance with the EPA)
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To: Lucky9teen
From my Hubby, an engineer:

Engineer In Hell

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says,
“Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.”

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets
dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators,
which makes the engineer a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”
Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and
there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”

God replies, “What??? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.”
Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.”
God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”

Engineering Laws

Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable, and three parts which are still under development.
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.
If you can’t fix it — document it.
The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.

Real Engineers

Real Engineers consider themselves well dressed if their socks match.
Real Engineers buy their spouses a set of matched screwdrivers for their birthday.
Real engineers have a non-technical vocabulary of 800 words.
Real Engineers repair their own cameras, telephones, televisions, watches, and automatic transmissions.
Real Engineers say “It’s 70 degrees Fahrenheit, 25 degrees Celsius, and 298 Kelvin” and all you say is “Isn’t it a nice day?”
Real Engineers wear badges so they don’t forget who they are. Sometimes a note is attached saying “Don’t offer me a ride today. I drove my own car.”
Real Engineers’ politics run towards acquiring a parking space with their name on it and an office with a window.
Real Engineers know the “ABC’s of Infrared” from A to B.
Real Engineers know how to take the cover off of their computer, and are not afraid to do it.
Real Engineers’ briefcases contain a Phillips screwdriver, a copy of “Quantum Physics,” and a half of a peanut butter sandwich.
Real Engineers don’t find the above at all funny.

Top 10 Things Engineering School Didn’t Teach YouThe Engineer and the Red Rubber Ball

A mathmatician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume.
The mathmatician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.
The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement.
The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table.

50 posted on 06/01/2012 11:15:45 AM PDT by TheOldLady
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To: Lucky9teen

Little Johnnie’s Weekend Assignment

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30” she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”
“Very good, Sally” said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next, “I sold magazines” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.”
“Very good, Jenny” said the teacher..

Eventually, it was Johnny’s turn. The teacher held her breath, as Johnny always had a ‘different’ take on things.
Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467” he said. “$2,467!” cried the teacher,

“What in the world were you selling?”
Toothbrushes” said Johnny.

“Toothbrushes” echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?”

“I found the busiest corner in town” said Johnny, “I set up a Dip & Chip stand, I gave everybody who walked by a free sample.” They all said the same thing, “Hey, this tastes like dog crap!” Then I would say, “It is dog crap. Wanna buy a toothbrush? I used the President Obama method of giving you something crappy, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it’s free, and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth.”

Johnny got five stars for his efforts, bless his little heart...


76 posted on 06/01/2012 1:26:09 PM PDT by sunny48 (America, home of the offended)
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