AND, if you do see a car with an Obama bumper sticker, here's a handy note you can leave:
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To: Lucky9teen
33 posted on
06/01/2012 8:01:24 AM PDT by
BenLurkin
(This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
To: Lucky9teen
The silliness thread is here! The silliness thread is here!
37 posted on
06/01/2012 8:24:16 AM PDT by
MarineBrat
(Better dead than red!)
To: Lucky9teen; txhurl; basil; lormand; wolfcreek
Real story:
Oops! APD officers caught dragging gas nozzle through street
An embarrassing moment for some APD officers was caught on camera when a FOX 7 viewer snapped a photo of a patrol car dragging a gas nozzle through the streets.
The viewer, Nate, told FOX 7 he took the photo Wednesday morning after he dropped his daughter off at school near Koenig and Burnet.
As Nate passed the car, he said there were two officers inside and neither appeared to realize they were dragging the nozzle and hose.
Nate said the officer driving was talking on his cell phone and probably could not hear the sound of the hose dragging along.
The Austin Police Department told FOX 7 the incident was under investigation and that supervisors would determine if there will be any disciplinary action.
Have you ever driven away from the gas pump with the nozzle still in your car? If so tell us about it in the comments below.
38 posted on
06/01/2012 8:48:14 AM PDT by
Arrowhead1952
(It's time to take out the trash in DC.)
To: Lucky9teen
Yup!
42 posted on
06/01/2012 9:16:55 AM PDT by
pikachu
(After Monday and Tuesday, even the calender goes W T F !)
To: Lucky9teen
You should have put a NSFW tag on that one! My God those limbs are pale !!! MY EYES !!!!!
44 posted on
06/01/2012 9:40:11 AM PDT by
llevrok
(In today's world, environmentalists would find God out of compliance with the EPA)
To: Lucky9teen
You should have put a NSFW tag on that one! My God those limbs are pale !!! MY EYES !!!!!
45 posted on
06/01/2012 9:40:35 AM PDT by
llevrok
(In today's world, environmentalists would find God out of compliance with the EPA)
To: Lucky9teen
From my Hubby, an engineer:
Engineer In Hell
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says,
Ah, youre an engineer youre in the wrong place.
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets
dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, theyve got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators,
which makes the engineer a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, So, hows it going down there in hell?
Satan replies, Hey, things are going great. Weve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and
theres no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.
God replies, What??? Youve got an engineer? Thats a mistake he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.
Satan says, No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and Im keeping him.
God says, Send him back up here or Ill sue.
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?
Engineering Laws
Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable, and three parts which are still under development.
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.
If you cant fix it document it.
The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
Real Engineers
Real Engineers consider themselves well dressed if their socks match.
Real Engineers buy their spouses a set of matched screwdrivers for their birthday.
Real engineers have a non-technical vocabulary of 800 words.
Real Engineers repair their own cameras, telephones, televisions, watches, and automatic transmissions.
Real Engineers say Its 70 degrees Fahrenheit, 25 degrees Celsius, and 298 Kelvin and all you say is Isnt it a nice day?
Real Engineers wear badges so they dont forget who they are. Sometimes a note is attached saying Dont offer me a ride today. I drove my own car.
Real Engineers politics run towards acquiring a parking space with their name on it and an office with a window.
Real Engineers know the ABCs of Infrared from A to B.
Real Engineers know how to take the cover off of their computer, and are not afraid to do it.
Real Engineers briefcases contain a Phillips screwdriver, a copy of Quantum Physics, and a half of a peanut butter sandwich.
Real Engineers dont find the above at all funny.
Top 10 Things Engineering School Didnt Teach You 1. There are at least 10 types of capacitors.
2. Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.
3. Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.
4. Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use.
5. Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.
6. Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
7. Managers, not engineers, rule the world.
8. Always try to fix the hardware with software.
9. If you like junk food, caffeine, and all-nighters, go into software.
10. Dilbert is not a comic strip, its a documentary.
The Engineer and the Red Rubber Ball
A mathmatician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume.
The mathmatician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.
The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement.
The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table.
To: Lucky9teen
Little Johnnie’s Weekend Assignment
The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.
Little Sally led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30” she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”
“Very good, Sally” said the teacher.
Little Jenny was next, “I sold magazines” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.”
“Very good, Jenny” said the teacher..
Eventually, it was Johnny’s turn. The teacher held her breath, as Johnny always had a ‘different’ take on things.
Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467” he said. “$2,467!” cried the teacher,
“What in the world were you selling?”
Toothbrushes” said Johnny.
“Toothbrushes” echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?”
“I found the busiest corner in town” said Johnny, “I set up a Dip & Chip stand, I gave everybody who walked by a free sample.” They all said the same thing, “Hey, this tastes like dog crap!” Then I would say, “It is dog crap. Wanna buy a toothbrush? I used the President Obama method of giving you something crappy, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it’s free, and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth.”
Johnny got five stars for his efforts, bless his little heart...
76 posted on
06/01/2012 1:26:09 PM PDT by
sunny48
(America, home of the offended)
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