Some observers think the game's smooth play is an accident or a lucky break. Almost every player ends up dumber than most professionals once dared to hope. But don't call it luck. Some of the best minds in the industry created the glorious game of Dum & Dummer.
A number of advanced features have been built into the game. Players might seem to have a range of options. Not so. Although constraints are subtle, dumb is wired in. The game's success is the result of years of patient testing on millions of subjects. Dum & Dummer utilizes only those research-based techniques that most reliably yield the desired results.
Math Protocols: Arithmetic and mathematics of all kinds are taught in a random sequence, with relatively simple concepts interspersed with college-level concepts. This approach, often called spiraling, is the theoretical basis of Reform Math and has proved remarkably successful over the last two decades. Additionally, mastery is specifically prohibited. Standard algorithms are also specifically prohibited. Students are encouraged to rely on calculators. The United States ranks 25th in math, which is surprisingly high given the sophistication of these protocols.
Reading Protocols: Presently, classrooms mix the most successful features of Whole Word and Whole Language.. Students must memorize the 300 most common words as sight-words, a high threshold for many children. Additionally, they learn a variety of comprehension strategies, which basically involve discussing a text rather than actually reading it. Illiteracy, thanks to these psyops, is more common now than literacy.
Teaching Protocols: Here we have an array of ingenious pedagogies working in synergy. Cooperative Learning makes children work together as a team, so that no one child feels responsible for any particular action or outcome; the result is guilt-free failure. Diverse Learning Styles requires a teacher to instruct each student in a different way, producing a fragmented, incoherent classroom. Prior Knowledge compounds that requirement by requiring that a teacher stay focused on what the student already knows, reducing the likelihood of progressing past that point. Constructivism encourages students to find their own new knowledge, which is a slow process. No-Memorization tells students not to bother remembering any of that new knowledge. Self-Esteem obligates teachers to award good grades to everyone. This is only a partial list. Not surprisingly, almost every student is a winning player.
Behavior Protocols: Again, an interactive array of psychological interventions produces stunning results. Students are permitted to be late, to slouch, to do inferior work, and to ignore what teachers say. A high-level of crime, violence, and cheating are normalized. Additionally, in every subject, students are encouraged to guess and to approximate. Fuzziness is praised. Students learn to be resentful, disorganized, and uninterested. They hate school, which virtually guarantees success at Dum & Dummer.
Philosophical Protocols: It is not necessary to reinvent the broken wheel. Early theorists discovered an infallible pathway. Observe what the best schools do; do the opposite. This technique has saved considerable research time. Creativity has been required only in labeling and marketing. Attractive jargon is a major part of the game's success. The basic philosophical creed is simply stated: knowledge isn't necessary; phonics is evil; educating in the traditional way is best described as factory-based, assembly-line torture no longer appropriate in the modern world; and education today must consist of only the Four C's: Creativity, Communication, Cooperation, and Critical Thinking. This is pure genius. A kid can get A's in all of these and still know nothing. Bingo. They're all winners. Each gets a trophy. They can now take their places in the global economy of the 21st century. Well, that's our story and we're sticking to it.
Reviews: D. R., a superintendent in Arizona, raves: "Kids walk around like zombies. A lot of them can't write a sentence. I love Dum & Dummer. It's like mugging your grandmother. Almost no resistance."
FINE PRINT: technically, the foregoing may be satire. It is also an infallible guide to why our public schools are mediocre.
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Here's a 10-point reform plan for our schools: A BILL OF RIGHTS FOR STUDENTS 2012 - http://www.improve-education.org/id90.html
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The video is titled: GOOD SCHOOL? BAD SCHOOL? It's an easy way to understand what schools are doing wrong: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuihhEpQETs
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My grand-daughter just graduated from the Governor’s School for Arts and Humanities in Greenville, SC. That’s right, SC...and according to Newsweek’s survey, that school ranks #42 out of the 1,0001 schools in their survey.
They have a 100% graduation, 100% college bound and every graduate earned scholarships...in fact, the students were offered $25 million in scholarships. 2 were accepted at Julliard. Erskine College, which awards one all inclusive scholarship per year, awarded it to one of those grads.
The difference is these kids compete to attend this school, and they are invested in success. The instructors are excellent and the academic courses are not easy. My grand-daughter (Who will attend Woffard in the fall) has earned qute a few college credits through the Advanced Placement courses she took.
A good education can be had anywhere, but you need good, dedicated teachers and students.
So sad. :(
RE: Governor’s School. We have one in Norfolk. It’s an elite public school. It’s the exception that makes my point. Good schools are always possible if the people in charge actually want a good school.
I’m more and more convinced that the ideologues running things now do not want excellent schools.
Ha!! Once you graduate from this ‘regimen’, you qualify as a ‘journalist’ or to be elected President of the United States!!!
Don’t believe it? Just look around.