Tell a Story Day
News Flash....
Osama Bin Laden was living with 3 wives in one compound, and never left the house for 5 years.
It is now believed he may have called the Navy Seals himself!
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An elderly lady was walking on the golf course on the island of Martha’s Vineyard. She slipped and fell.
Obama who was behind her by chance, helped her to get up promptly. She thanked him and he answered,
“It was a pleasure to help you. Don’t you recognize me? I am your president. Are you going to vote for me in the next election? “
The elderly woman laughed and replied:
‘’You know ... I fell on my ass ... not on my head......
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Isn’t it ironic....
The United States food stamp program, administered by the Department of Agriculture, seems pleased to be distributing the greatest amount of food stamps ever.
Meanwhile, the National Park Service, asks us to “please do not feed the animals” because the animals may grow dependent and not learn to take care of themselves.
OK, here’s an old one rehashed.
An airplane is flying across America with Obama, a priest, a soldier with a backpack, and the pilot. In the middle of nowhere, the engines cut out and all control of the plane is lost. The pilot runs back, grabs one of the 3 available parachutes and says, “I’m a trained pilot with a lot of experience. I deserve to live”. Then he jumps out of the plane.
Obama runs up and grabs a parachute and says, “I’m the smartest man in the world, I deserve to live”. then he jumps out of the plane. The priest looks to the soldier and says, “My son, you take the last parachute. You’re young and you have your whole life ahead of you.”
The soldier says, “It’s not a problem, father. There are enough parachutes for both of us. The smartest man in the world just jumped out of the plane with my backpack.”
In a recent FDA study, the United States government doctors who were conducting studies on test drugs administered weekly doses of VIAGRA to an equal number of doctors and lawyers.
While the majority of the doctors achieved enhanced sexual prowess, the lawyers simply grew taller.
The US government researchers are at a loss to explain.
A guy answers a knock on his front door.
He looks around and then notices there is a snail down at his feet. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can, way to the far end of his garden.
Three years later, there is a knock on his front door. He answers it and the snail asks, “So what the heck was THAT all about???!!!”
A young man was one of five brothers in a farming family in 1941, as World War II was raging and the US was building the military. In order to supposedly get a better deal he enlisted in the Army to keep from getting drafted. He as assigned as a medic in the 13th Infantry Regiment.
While his convoy was passing through a small town in Tennessee during the 1942 maneuvers, he threw a piece of paper with his name and address out of the truck to a girl he saw standing on the town square. They courted while he was in TN and corresponded afterward. After the war and his discharge from the Army, they married.
Dad passed away one month shy of their SIXTY-FIRST wedding anniversary in 2006. Mom died 3 months later.
61 years that started with a name and address thrown out of a truck.
Momma: "Not until you've finished your vegetables!"
A group of 15-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner.
Finally, they agreed to meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant because they had only $6.00 among them and Jimmy Johnson, the cute boy in Social Studies, lived on that street.
10 years later, the group of 25-year-old girlfriends discussed where
to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View
restaurant because the beer was cheap, the restaurant offered free
snacks, the band was good, there was no cover and there were lots of cute guys.
10 years later, the group of 35-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the cosmos were good, it was right near the gym and, if they went late enough, there wouldn’t be too many whiny little kids.
10 years later, the group of 45-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the martinis were big and the waiters had tight pants and nice buns.
10 years later, the group of 55-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the prices were reasonable, the wine list was good, the restaurant had windows that opened (in case of hot flashes), and fish is good for cholesterol.
10 years later, the group of 65-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the lighting was good and the restaurant had an early bird special.
10 years later, the group of 75-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food was not too spicy and the restaurant was handicapped-accessible and had an elevator.
10 years later, the group of 85-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because it sounded nice and they had never been there before.