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In 9 years I've received 3 of the American Community Surveys and only report how many people live here. Because I didn't fill out the many pages about when I leave for work, how much money I make, the names and ages of our children, how much I pay for insurance, etc, I've received many phone calls from the American Community Survey group. I usually just hang up.

Then they started stopping by. One time there was a young woman walking around our backyard, looking in my detached office, looking in our sheds and just looking around. One of my boys told me so I grabbed a 12 gauge shotgun, opened the door, pointed the shotgun at her, she turned pale and started screaming "I'm with the census bureau."

I told her to get out of my backyard and not come back. She still tried to get some questions answered but I kept telling her to leave.

When I have talked with the census bureau on the phone, they always tell me I'm required to completely fill out the forms or risk fines. I just tell them to fine me.

I've also asked what part of the Constitution says they can ask for all that personal information. They can only quote the Census or Enumeration clause.

So far I haven't had to pay the fine.

If I get a young woman from the census bureau showing up, I'm going to draw upon my inner Laz:

"Julie sent you, didn't she?"
"No, I'm from the census bureau"
"That's what the last few women all said. They were really here because Julie told them how good I am at sex. Julie really liked it, and told all her friends, and now they can't leave me alone!! All day and all night, they can't leave me alone!"
"Sir, I really AM from the census bureau!"
"Doris said she was from the census bureau. I'm tired of her now. You can take her with you. She's in the basement".

Continue until she runs away...