In the world of computers and cell phones, It’s been noticed that more and more people who send text messages and e-mails have long forgotten the art of capital letters.
For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement:
“Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.”
Is everybody clear on that?
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How would you pronounce this child’s name?
“Le-a”
Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? NOPE
Lay - a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again.
This child attends a school in Mo.
Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
It’s pronounced “Ledasha”.
When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, “the dash isn’t silent.”
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A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: “Paint…my…house.”
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The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it is a very large mammal, its throat is very small.
The little girl said, “But how can that be? Jonah was swallowed by a whale.”
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human. “It is physically impossible!” she said.
Undaunted, the little girl said, “Well, when I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.”
To this, the teacher said, “What if Jonah went to hell?”
The little girl replied, “Then YOU ask him!”
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What the mother actually said was, "De dash don't be silent." That's a quote from the first time it hit print.
(Sorry. It's funnier the original way.)