I warned him about the microwave!!
(Happy Easter, all!)
Posted on 04/06/2012 6:02:05 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
I’m on the first page! SWEEEET!
Now, what do I do?
As she waited in the bed, he began undressing, first removing his shoes and socks. His toes were a unsightly mess of twisted stubs.
“Don’t worry, I had Tolio as a kid.” he explained.
Upon removing his pants she saw his terribly pock-marked knees.
“It’s nothing,” he said. “Just a severe case of Neasles when I was young.”
Finally, he removed his underwear at which point his date blurted out…
“Don’t tell me — Smallcox?”
bttt
Ebay ripoff
If you buy stuff on line, check out the seller carefully.
Be careful what you purchase on eBay.
A friend spent $50 on a penis enlarger.
They sent him a magnifying glass.
Instructions said, “Do not use in the sunlight”
I was in Star Buck`s recently when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart.
The music was really loud so I timed my fart with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs I started to feel better.
I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me…
And suddenly I remembered I was listening to my iPod
…and how was your day?
That’s what happens when old people start using technology !
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full...
The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’
The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.
‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things-—your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions-—and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.
The sand is everything else-—the small stuff.
‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.
Take care of the golf balls first-—the things that really matter.
Set your priorities.
The rest is just sand.
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented.
The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked.’
The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.
LOL! Good answer...good lesson! :)
Seems your date must have also contracted Smallcox.
I really didn’t plan my outfit well today, I’m wearing a hoodie AND a trench coat. I’m probably the most suspicious looking person in the country.
It just hit me!!!
My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.
He has his food prepared for him. His meals are provided at no cost to him.
He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year,if any medical needs arise.. For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.
He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs,
but he is not required to do any upkeep.
If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.
He receives these accommodations absolutely free.
He is living like a king, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.
All of his costs are picked up by others who earn a living.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head.
My darn dog is a Democrat!
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