I walked into the living room one fine spring day to find him gnawing on the leaves of a plant.
JABBER!!! FREAKING KNOCK IT OFF!
He gave me a bored look, slowly blinked, and went back to gnawing on that plant.
JABBER!!! YOU ARE A BIG, FAT, PIECE OF CRAP!!!
And as I delivered my rapier witted insult, I noticed a fat, ugly, busy-body, hippie “woman” staring at me through my front window aghast.
AND SO ARE YOU!!! I addressed her.
Fortunately, that was in the days before cell phones or I'm sure I'd have to explain it to the gendarmes.
Funny story.
Years ago we lived in a town house, in a not very integrated neighborhood, I caught one of the dogs going after my tomato plants and yelled out the back door, Sam, you stupid black b!tch get in here. the dog’s name was Sambuca.
I went out to check the damage and there is my next door neighbor, roaring laughing. She knew I hadn’t seen her when I hollered and knew I was going to be mortified, which I was. Thank goodness she and I were good friends!
“AND SO ARE YOU!!! I addressed her.”
ROFLMAO!!!! I’ve been in that state of mind myself!