I was just trying to operate a nice delivery service for well-wishers -- flowers, balloons, and of course, assorted candies.
But that all was ruined by the blatant discrimination and landsharkophobia, personified and made mainstream by those evil haters at Saturday Night Live. After their stereotypical treatment of my business, I couldn't buy a delivery anymore. Soon as was living in the gutter puddles, eating scraps of discarded food and the random toad.
Worse was the derogatory way my name was used. Imagine how you would feel if your name was forever associated with crappy, past-it's-time TV shows. "Jump the Shark" indeed. I'd like to see someone try to jump me. Really. Please. I am so lonely. Getting mugged would be a step up.