Your mailboxes have boxpox. Consult FEMA and the CDC immediately. Garage doors and trash cans can get it.
Boxpox contracted by contact with tween-age children with stickers.
“Your mailboxes have boxpox.”
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Best answer.
Having skimmed through some of your posts, I hope you’ll try writing a comedy novel sometime - or maybe you have already. (If one’s available, I’d like to know about it.) You have a gift.