It’s Friday!! WooHoo!!!
TOP FIVE!!!!! First time for that.
IBTP?
Missed by 24 seconds.
Anyway...
These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:
1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.”
2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”
3. “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.” (My Favorite)
4. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”
5. “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.” (LOVE IT)
6. “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”
7. “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”
8. “Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”
9. “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”
10. “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.”
11. “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”
12. “In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC.” ( National Crime Information Center )
13. “Just how big were those ‘two beers’ you say you had?”
14. “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”
15. “I’m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.”
AND THE WINNER IS....
16. “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here.”
In at top 10!!
Having trouble picking a caniddiate to support for 2012!
Well, PAT PAULSEN is back!
“Dead Man Running”
http://www.paulsen.com/pat/
“We Can’t Stand Pat”
“I’ve Upped My Standards. Now Up Yours!”
“If elected, I will win.”
Pat Paulsen
Top 25!
(Courtesy of Redd Foxx):
So I’m on vacation in Mexico, driving through the market square, and run over a street vendor.
The police stop me and say “Didn’t you see him standing there in the middle of the street with his tamale wagon?”
I said, “I didn’t even notice his fly was down”.
It is an actual opinion in a multi-million dollar case about ... toilet paper. It was written by a judge with a sense of humor.
In the wake of Bin Laden’s death, Radical Muslims have gone on a rampage in Southern California, killing anyone who’s a legal US citizen.
Police fear the death toll could be as high as 2.
_____
Reagan telling a joke about Democrats.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QK3Eo9cScEQ&feature=share
