Like I said - I'm sure that there are exceptions. But, in the instances that I'm familiar with, the adoptive parents were completely familiar with the children that they were adopting.
In fact, in two cases that I can think of, they needed to fight to keep the adoption on track, and ran up substantial legal costs in the process (both cases involved a biological mother who was a drug addict refusing treatment, but also refusing to relinquish parental rights).
The adoptive Parents were special people in both cases. I couldn't have had an issue like that hanging over my head, and been subject to the whims of a drug-addled mother, a bunch of senseless bureaucrats and/or a court. Especially when common sense went out the window completely. For instance, in one case, the adoptive parents are pretty well-to-do. The child was receiving Social Security checks. *AFTER* everything went through, the father looked into getting the checks stopped...they weren't necessary in the least.
He was told - in no uncertain terms - that they could not be stopped, and if he continued to pursue the issue, it would be investigated by Social Services and would put the adoption (the *completed* adoption!!) back in jeopardy. Amazing. So, he said "AllRighty" and banked the checks. His son used the money to go to college, and is now a teacher who works with undrepriviledged kids (he's the wrestling coach...that one of the ways he makes a connection). A happy ending, and tax dollars well spent, IMHO. But completely ridiculous (and honestly, scary..."you'd like to do something sensible, and we'll threaten to take your kids for it") to go through at the time.
We have friends that adopted domestically and they went through the ringer. One baby was put into their care and they wanted so badly to adopt him. (they even had him baptized). The infants was found in the front seat of a “suspicious vehicle”. The birth mom was “retarded” (as defined by social services), a prostitute and a drug addict. The baby was put into the front seat by the mother while she was with (performing) on a john. Okay... you would think that this woman couldn’t take care of a baby (since she wasn’t taking care of herself, right?) No... the baby was returned to his birth mother after a year. She had completed one clean drug test and had gotten into a half way house. Social Services accompanied by the police literally showed up on their doorstep and took the child. (the depression of the couple afterwards was heart breaking)
That is why we chose to adopt a “foreign” child. Plain, simple and possibly selfish to some?! I wanted to know after 2 years and five months of medical tests, criminal background, MVA backgrounds, interviews with a social worker, my other kid’s interviews and medical backgrounds, financial statement, house inspections (etc, etc, etc) that the child put into my arms WAS now MY child. I didn’t want to fear someone from the state taking her. Our group of nine parents all shared the same fear: we all discussed how we didn’t think we could handle it psychologically if a grandparent, Aunt, distant cousin etc... came out of the closet and demanded the “genetic” child be returned to them. Your friends sound like amazing and wonderful people. I truly respect them!