You’d have to beat Laz to her, and since Laz is the manliest of the already extremely virile class of conservative men, she isn’t going to pick you. Sorry. The rest of us are simply relegated to getting whatever Laz is too tired to hit.
You, sir, are evil personified.
I tried to visualize what feminine entities Laz would ever be unwilling to hit, for ANY reason.
I now fear that the resulting mental images assaulting my synapses are just the start of what will be an eternal downward spiral into the depths of Helen Thomas's make-up complex.