[redpoll]

>>>,..and what the Playboy philosophy pushed is now a reality ......boys and men have endless opportunities for sexual gratification....the only “cost” to them is their manhood and their souls....<<<

I’m taking a risk here, but I’d imagine that you’re a woman.

Just speaking from the male experience, your post was generally correct until this paragraph. In the current culture, women choose the men that they’ll “hook up” with, and that means most men are excluded. A situation with “endless opportunities for sexual gratification” only exists inside a monogamous marriage, and even then, the opportunities aren’t endless, they’re negotiated. Being single for most men now means an empty apartment without any female companionship at all.

What you’re missing here is the atmosphere of quiet despair and bitterness in the lives of men facing this kind of situation. I speak with many men in their marriageable years and they tell me over and over that it is impossible to find a partner, too. It’s not just a pornfest for happy men. In fact, you could argue that porn makes the situation worse by portraying sexuality at a distance, reminding men of what they lack in reality. In any case, the only place where there are endless opportunities for men is with masturbation.

The despair of men is made even worse by the normalization of bastard children. A woman can have a ready-made family with little effort and a willing sperm donor. A man has to struggle for it. By the time the man is in his late 20s, many women have already had kids without a father, and it is interesting (anecdotally) that there are a minority of men with children from several women, thereby leaving out most of the other men. When a man marries, the expectation is that he’ll have progeny, which is eliminated when the woman comes to the marriage with a set of kids already.

What you see as fun, free, and easy is actually a slow suicide using alcohol, drugs, and video games to numb the pain. I’m doing my best to make sure that my son doesn’t experience this, but it is pervasive and difficult to battle a social trend. However, it’s nothing like a sexual paradise for men.

[Jonty30]

Which is why many men, at 40, might still live with their parents. What’s the point of getting your own apartment when how you live won’t change, except cost you an extra 600 dollars a month.

[fightinJAG]

A very poignant post. Thank you.

[MasterGunner01]

What women want (or have been conditioned to want) in a man is a touchy-feely Alan Alda kind of man. They also gravitate to looks, money, and power. They fish at the shallow end of the gene pool and then they cannot understand why they aren't happy.

Assuming they get what they think they want, they find out their “dream man” is nothing more than a stunted adolescent that couldn't be a real man if he tried. It should also be understood that these same women will reject all other males that would be great catches and good husbands and fathers because they do not fit the image of “perfection.”

“. . . the atmosphere of quiet despair and bitterness in the lives of men facing this kind of situation. I speak with many men in their marriageable years and they tell me over and over that it is impossible to find a partner . . .”

I'm a rather average guy and I got sick and tired of watching women go nuts over pond scum. I decided that what I wanted in life was a decent job that put food on the table, a roof over my head, and a comfortable living. I also stopped looking for Ms. Right. If she was truly interested, I'd let her hunt for me because I was tired of having my emotions toyed with and then crushed.

I'm very lucky that I met my wife about 15 years ago. Her first husband had died of cancer and we just sort of “clicked.” We are a complete team and I love her dearly. Both of us just look at the chaos of trying to find a decent mate and shake our heads.

[SIDENET]

Good post, redpoll.

[Vision]

You makes some good points. Also, nobody talks about how expensive children have become. What's the average college degree nowadays? $75k?

[central_va]

Your post is dead on. You should write book. Most women do not have clue on the lack of opportunity there is for males. For most men, it is the opposite of what they think. Unless a male is born with certain physical and or financial assets, the life can be lonely.

What makes it worse, and I am going out on a limb here too, is prostitution is illegal. It should be legal and safe IMO. Flame on.

[Melas]

Let me reduce your post to brass tacks. Are you really trying to make a case that a few guys are living the life of Riley with more women than they can handle while the vast majority of guys are stuck dying of loneliness in their apartments?

My take on that is that sitting in your apartment hoping a blonde will walk isn’t the correct way to meet women. I don’t get the constant negativity concerning dating that I read here. I’ve been married for 20 years, and I wouldn’t change a thing, but yes, sometimes I still miss dating. Dating was fantastic, but like all things it had to be left behind.