Posted on 06/20/2011 3:17:59 PM PDT by nickcarraway
Grammy Sue kissed the frozen fish and tossed it perfectly through the hanging tire in her quest for the title of Champion Redneck.
“My husband tells me I should win because I’m the biggest redneck he knows,” said Grammy Sue, also known as Sue Tapia of Niceville. “Being a redneck is pretty simple. Talk like a hillbilly bear, stay outdoors and act like a fool.”
Fifteen contestants competed Saturday at Big Kahuna’s in the first Redneck Olympics, sponsored by the water park and 105.5 Wolf country radio.
“It’s not an original idea, but we thought it be something fun, a good laugh and something not serious that people could do,” said Bob Cordier, general manager of the park. “It’s something fun that gets the community together.”
Olympians competed in redneck games such as sunflower spitting, toilet seat horseshoes, Spam carving and lassoing radio DJ Big Nic.
Grand prize winner Will Vandermate of DeFuniak Springs took home a 1987 Chevrolet Caprice 4-door wagon.
Nikki Battenfield of Navarre had her eye on the prize.
“We need a second car and free is better than getting a loan,” she said. “I wouldn’t call myself a true redneck. Maybe I’m a quiet one, a closeted one.”
Battenfield stared down at her Spam and carefully removed pieces from the gelatinous, processed meat during the Spam-carving portion of the competition. She ended up with a turtle.
Lance Hatchell of Baker showed off his two deer tattoos while competing. He said he’s known as a redneck to his friends and family, although he’s not sure what it means.
“I’m just being myself,” Hatchell said.
For the Redneck Olympics, 105.5 Wolf brought out a favorite of their listeners, Redneck Jimmy — aka Jimmy Stephens of Mossy Head. He wore camouflage swim trunks that showed off the farmer’s tan on his arms and legs.
“This is just a way of life,” Redneck Jimmy said as he watched contestants toss a frying pan, ping pong ball and music CD through the hanging tire. “It’s outside, having fun, dogs, hunting, anything fun. Oh, and kids — you’ve got to have a lot of kids.”
Not at all legitimate. Not one mention of mud. You must have events that take place in mud pits to qualify.
“You must have events that take place in mud pits to qualify”
And cousin kissin’ contests. No mention of that either. What kind of contest is this?! (LOL!)
Wait a minute. Where were the guns? If there was no shooting, how could it be a Redneck Olympics?
If you don’t own a gun (preferably more than one) you’re not a Redneck.
Yeah I agree. No mention of a target shooting competition here. Can’t pass the test.
Must display a poster of the family tree, standing straight and tall with no branches.
This looks like a rip-off of South Park’s rip on NASCAR, “Poor and Stupid” (Season 14, episode 8)
http://www.southparkstudios.com/full-episodes/s14e08-poor-and-stupid
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