“But there are ways to achieve it that don’t include calling your kid names.”
It certainly does in my book, and I’ll stick my results, EARNED self-esteem of my kids up against ANYONE. I’ve always said that if I wrote a book about raising kids, the title would be: “You Ain’t Shiite” (although I would use an American swear term in place of the religious reference).
It’s a phrase that I’ve used numerous times on all my kids. It basically tells them to stop acting like they’re the center of the world and accept the fact they are an ant, in our society. In essence, it tells them to start growing up and they’ll be praised when they deserve it, and will be told otherwise (in no uncertain terms) when they don’t.
But I do have some problems with Amy, particularly the hours (a day) of music she put them through. My (immigrant) wife started that also and I put up with it (and the associated screaming by everyone), but finally came down on the side of kids and we did get past that.
But overall, the LAST THING that I do is coddle my kids...it just wrecks them for life. If they’re a jerk, I sure as heck let them know it, and in a way that I would (and did) talk in high school.
IMHO, you don’t need to call kids names to teach them what the world is like.
We run, as best we can, a biblically oriented household. The bible is full of ways we should be kind to one another, but is also mindful of just how unjust and difficult life is and how important it is to develop true wisdom.
My son has worked since he was 12, was holding down a major part time job since 13, working full time at 16. I don’t believe in allowance. It’s an artificial construct that teaches kids money just comes. So they knew the world’s ways from the beginning.
The home should be a sanctuary from the harshness of the world, by everyone working together and loving one another. Just the same, once you walk out the door there’s no mercy.
BTW, one of my kids is a musician. I have to come down on him to get the instruments OUT of his hands. Started by teaching himself, and then at 15 took a job to pay for lessons.