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There's a new virus that will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards.
It will give your ex-girl or boyfriend your new phone number. It will mix Kool-aid into your fishtank. It will drink all your wine and leave its socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming over.
Fool's Virus will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while you're sleeping.
It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead; such is the power of Fool's Virus.
It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it. It will kick your dog. It will leave nasty messages on your boss's voice mail in your voice!
Fool's Virus will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up. It will leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase grade-schoolers with your new snow blower.
Fool's Virus will prompt your mother to call on Friday and Saturday nights for two months. It will place your wallet and keys on an obscure shelf in the basement. It will emulate your face and stare into the neighbor's bathroom window.
Fool's Virus will make your bloomers shrink two sizes and make you gain fifteen pounds over night. PLEASE listen to me! The "Fool's Virus" DOES NOT exist!
This is a joke in honor of April's Fool Day.
But just to be safe, better run that virus scanner now!