Little David comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"
David's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," David says.
"Why Osama Bin Laden?" his father asks in shock.
"Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
His father's heart swells and he looks at his boy with newfound pride.
"David, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," David says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines shoot him."
Curt and Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News in Starkeville, Mississippi, and decided to buy a mule for $100. The farmer who owned the mule agreed to deliver it the following day.
The next morning, the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry, fellows - I have some bad news. The mule died last night.”
“Well, then - just give us our money back,” Leroy said.
The farmer replied, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.” conservative political humor,clean political jokes,dead donkey “Ok then, the men replied. Just bring us the dead mule.”
The farmer replied, “What in the world ya’ll gonna do with a dead mule?”
Curt replied, “We gonna raffle him off.” The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead mule!” Leroy said, “We shore can! Heck, we don’t hafta tell nobody he’s dead!”
A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Leroy and Curt at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked, “What’d you fellers ever do with that dead mule?”
They replied, “We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do.” Leroy said, “Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998.”
The farmer asked, “Didn’t anyone complain?”
Curtis replied, “Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back.”
Curtis and Leroy now work for the government. They’re overseeing the Bailout Program.