Posted on 11/26/2010 1:01:50 PM PST by Monster Zero
Hypothetical scenario:
A guy and his wife go to see her family for a holiday. It's a mostly cordial day, spent eating, talking about firearms and collectibles and other things of common interests.
One thing the guy notices, though, is that his MIL, who isn't a football fan, makes it a point to ask him, "What did you think about the Vikings cutting Randy Moss?"
Now this is an innocent question on its face, right? Problem is, this MIL has a habit of asking this same question over and over: "What do you think about..." and then fill in the name of a supposedly bad person like Randy Moss, Joran VanDerSloot, Michael Schiavo, et al. And always so politely and conversationally.
It might help to mention that the theme of the family dynamic here is that the SIL being asked these questions is a generally unworthy person and a sinner to boot. Doesn't have > $nnn,nnn and didn't finish college either, and that's just for starters.
What's she trying to get out of him, or what is she trying to prove, with a smile on her face?
The subject is open for discussion among folks who know something about what sly, moralistic little Lutheran church ladies are up to.
Suggestions about how to counter it are welcome.
Best answer I have is NMJ (Not My Job) with a smile and a nod of the head walk to someone else and carry on like nothing happened!!!
Depends on the desired outcome of the conversation by the SIL.
Deflection and harmony: “I haven’t really had time to look into the details or think about it, what’s your take?”
Confrontation: “I think it was a stupid move, because he is a great player”
You get the point. My guess is that’s she’s just trying to get a rise out of the person, and create an opportunity to make the other individual look bad.
She is attempting to crawl, inch by inch, celebrity by celebrity, compounding her illogical extensions, until even you must realize you are not good enough for her daughter, unless you really want to change. How was the food?
“What do you think about.....Randy Moss, Joran VanDerSloot, Michael Schiavo,....?”
1) You’re being set up as having no moral standing for whatever opinion you present.
2) Celebrity figures can be dealt with differently than “suspects”.
a) Celebrity questions can be dismissed with “Just because they have talent doesn’t mean they’re perfect.”
3) You can always put off requests for judgement and punishment...
a) “Be careful for the judgement you wish for others may be the justice YOU are held to.
If you really think it’s a game meant to be antagonistic, or cruel, you go prepared with captivating anticdotes, and take control of the conversation before MIL gets started. I’d go for uplifting positive edifying subjects. Hopefully, asking, “What do you think about Tiger Woods?” she’ll sound like a gutter troll and give it up.
Or be brave, jump in, change the subject, “How do string beans remind you of people you’ve known?” and rescue your SIL?
Old southern lady’s advice: say, “hmmm, good question! What do YOU think about it?” Then actually listen.
It sounds to me like it’s self-ego stroking.
If it really bugs you, perhaps you should invite this questioner to read James, there’s a *LOT* there that makes it essentially a “church smackdown book.”
When it’s about “Doesn’t have > $nnn,nnn and didn’t finish college either” reply with James 2:2-7
— — CEV
—Suppose a rich person wearing fancy clothes and a gold ring comes to one of your meetings. And suppose a poor person
—dressed in worn-out clothes also comes. You must not give the best seat to the one in fancy clothes and tell the one
—who is poor to stand at the side or sit on the floor. That is the same as saying that some people are better than
—others, and you would be acting like a crooked judge.
—
—My dear friends, pay attention. God has given a lot of faith to the poor people in this world. He has also promised
—them a share in his kingdom that he will give to everyone who loves him. You mistreat the poor. But isn’t it the rich
—who boss you around and drag you off to court? Aren’t they the ones who make fun of your Lord?
When it’s about “a generally unworthy person and a sinner to boot” then reply with James 4:11-12
— — CEV
—My friends, don’t say cruel things about others! If you do, or if you condemn others, you are condemning God’s Law.
—And if you condemn the Law, you put yourself above the Law and refuse to obey either it or God who gave it. God is
—our judge, and he can save or destroy us. What right do you have to condemn anyone?
If it’s just the talking, then perhaps James 3:5-12 is the best answer.
— — CEV
—Our tongues are small too, and yet they brag about big things. It takes only a spark to start a forest fire! The
—tongue is like a spark. It is an evil power that dirties the rest of the body and sets a person’s entire life on
—fire with flames that come from hell itself. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and sea creatures can be
—tamed and have been tamed. But our tongues get out of control. They are restless and evil, and always spreading
—deadly poison.
—
—My dear friends, with our tongues we speak both praises and curses. We praise our Lord and Father, and we curse
—people who were created to be like God, and this isn’t right. Can clean water and dirty water both flow from the
—same spring? Can a fig tree produce olives or a grapevine produce figs? Does fresh water come from a well full
—of salt water?
I guess you lost me at
“is a generally unworthy person and a sinner to boot.”
Sinner? Aren’t we all sinners in some way or the other?
BTW, if she is such a POS, why bother to eat dinner/etc with such a person?
Just wondering - how other poeple live is normally none of my business.
Is the MIL trying to drive this person out of the ‘family’?
You not like the poster for some reason? That would surely start a fight.
It is an obvious trick in that she is trying to prevent someone from drinking up all the booze. Don’t fall for it.
/johnny
She's a "thinker" not a "feeler" because she asks "what do you think" as opposed to "how do you feel."
She's macabre and shallow because she asks an opinion on those idiots.
Depending on just where you want to strike.
1. Bush’s Fault!
2. Obama’s fault!
3. I just finished reading “The Tortoise and the Hare”.
Back in the day I was talking to my wife’s Great Aunt, who had much the same manner. With that sly smile she says “I hear (your wife) is pregnant again”. (You expect to support a wife and 2 kids on what YOU make, pullease!) I said “Yeah, and when I catch that sonofabi+ch, I’m gonna kill him”. About killed the old lady off.
Too many people can only measure their self-worth against the seeming worthlessness of others.
/johnny
Old people to this to their children as a way of keeping control.
The only way to win is not to play.
Me being me, I would just bypass her game entirely.
Q:"What did you think about the Vikings cutting Randy Moss?"
A:"They didn't cut him enough. He was still standing. They should have popped a cap in him, just to be sure."
I don’t know anyone like this, that I know of, but a good response to any question one doesn’t care to answer is, “Why do you ask?”
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