I was just thinking the other day that there hasn’t been good gun thread for a good long time. So thanks for bringing it up.
My thoughts:
Revolvers have military type reliability, meaning they always fire. There is no section in the manual entitled “Clearing a jam” because they don’t need it.
The pistol you and your wife start with is probably not the pistol you will finish with. They tend to propagate over time.
I have small hands and have found that the 1911 A1 frame, which was developed when people were smaller (1911), is one of the few semi autos that fit my hand comfortably. Because the revolver handle is frequently conical in shape, I have yet to handle a revolver that did not fit my hand. Do not overlook this issue as it is very important as your wife will shoot less if the gun is uncomfortable.
Semi-autos are a pain to clean and unlike a revolver they must be kept squeaky clean or they will jam unless you blow tons of cash on a glock or sig. No need to. The revolver is easy to clean.
The Taurus Judge, because of the huge sales over the last couple of years, has become it’s own product line and there is probably one that will suit both you and your wife. The Taurus .45/.410 is surprisingly small and is easily handled as well as being fairly reasonable. I have heard good reports on their effectiveness.
There has developed a confusion between defensive shooting and tactical shooting, which generally occurs at longer distances with a spectacular amount of ammunition used. The normal defensive shooting scenario occurs at 10 to 12 feet and 3 to 5 shots in total are fired as opposed to multiple clips (especially in New York City..rolls eyes). So the need for massive amounts of ammo is not so great as it would be at say 40 feet against a perp who is determined to commit “suicide by cop”.
Mechanical considerations:
Most semis will jam and they sometimes will not be able to use hollow points or cheaper ammunition. Wolf brand ammo is known to malfunction in many semis, but is still good cheap ammo. You may not find this out until your first gun fight. I have had a number of semis jam on me and usually the jam is cleared by ejecting the round by sliding the slide back. I have had two jams that did not clear this way and they had to cleared by holding the slide back and picking the round out with my fingers. Had I been in a fight at the time, I would not be here.
I will be switching over to revolvers this year as a result of those experiences.
Using reloads in a semi will probably jam the gun and will void most warranties. Reloads cost 1/4 or much less than new factory automation. My reloads cost 1/10th of best factory cost.
It is not unusual for a pistol shooter to go through 80 to 120 dollars of factory ammo in a single shooting session. The reloaded ammo might cost you 10 to 20 dollars for the same number of rounds. Both of you need to go through a good number of rounds to train yourselves to shoot well.
You can reload reduced recoil training rounds that will shoot in a revolver but which will not do not do well at all in a semi. They may not provide enough recoil to cycle the gun and you will end up having to clear jams.
One of the more interesting things you can do with a revolver, but cannot do with a semi is to shoot wax rounds at short distances. They are accurate out to about 30 feet but cost about 5 cents apiece. This is particulary valuable when you want to learn how to draw quickly and shoot. It is a good way to teach women to draw their pistol from their purse as the round will not hurt her or anyone else. The draw, by the way, is not just a draw but the draw plus shooting accurately.
Recoil:
Recoil is quite sujective. I do not like the small high-speed calibers that have quick recoil as it creates a problem with getting the barrel down for the second shot. The recoil on a .45 to me is much less than most other calibers because it is slow, 900 FPS as compared to 1200 or so for a 9MM.
Calibers:
.45
I like .45 Long Colt and ACP (I will be dropping ACP this year). Most fun you can have with a gun. Recoil can be light to heavy depending on how you load the round. Wax rounds are a easily made and used in this caliber and reloading is quite easy.
.40 I have no experience with this caliber, but ammo availibility may be an issue.
.380
Owned one, hated it, jammed continuously and was a real a pain to clean (semi). Never again.
9MM
I am not at all sure that this is a good round for defensive actions, but may be suitable for tactical shooting. Lots of complaints from the military on this round as it doesn’t necessarily take the perp down as does a .45 ACP.
.357
May be your second gun. Or you can shoot .38 special for training and fun. I dislike the recoil.
.38 Special
These are great rounds, but you may have to use hollow points for defensive purposes. Recoil is slow at 1080 FPS.
.32
Don’t bother. In Texas, we don’t even give these mouse pistols to ten year old girls.
Closing comments:
I have been on hundreds of this type of thread and I can make this statement:
“Many 9MM and smaller shooters are very concerned about the number of rounds that they can store in their pistol. I have never seen even one .45 shooter express that sentiment. One is enough.”