We all walk that lonesome valley. For some of us, perhaps a lot, it is a very long, hard journey.
A decade or so ago a very good friend of mine killed himself. He kept a running log as he died. His first attempt - drugs - failed and he turned to a shotgun.
All the warning signs were there. He gave things away. Told us that if he hadn't made it BIG by the time he was 40 it would be best to end it and start over again.
He was at my house as well as with a few other friends a couple of days before and talked about how the best way to commit suicide was to do it in the way that would most impact those left behind.
We talked about it but chalked it up to his "personality" and blunt ways.
All his friends knew he had problems with the ladies (not really, he just saw it that way), health and maybe finances. However he was a strong fellow...someone we all looked up to. We all kept in touch with him daily...involved him in everything we did, but he apparently still felt alone.
From what we gather he got a poor prognosis from a doctor.
It was a community picnic day but he didn't want to go...claimed he wanted to plan for our annual Summer get together at his rural house.
When my wife, kids and I got home around 11pm there was a letter with sealing wax - one of his trademarks. The letter was obscure and dark. The phone message machine was jammed. We all knew there had been a problem.
I was the closest so I went. The police were there. I was the first friend/relative in. It was not pleasant.
He had a bottle of scotch on the table with glasses and notes. There was a plastic sheet in the living room. What was left of him was upstairs in the bathtub.
I am not going to be graphic. It was NOT pleasant.
Some of us still can't come to grips with it.
It could have been mental or physical health or something else.
We aren't judging him, but what he did was wrong, especially in such a way that so many of his friends were left scared.
Most of all it was a wrong against The Creator.
I’m so sorry that you had that experience. It really is devastating to the surviving family and friends when someone chooses to take their own life.
As your story illustrates, we can never ever know what is truly in the hearts and minds of someone else. That doesn’t make it easier and the pain of such a loss is so profound.
I too believe that suicide is a wrong. Anger, guilt and recriminations are natural responses to it.
I was just saddened by the posts I was seeing and wanted to explain that sometimes there is more to it than meets the eye.
I came home nine years ago and found that my wife had taken her life. It was not pleasant. I still hurt profoundly. She had become bipolar, she was taking diet pills, ambien, hydrocodone, imitrex, and several medications for depression and anxiety. She was sick because no loving person in their right mind would leave their three year old daughter and husband alone for the rest of their living lives. I am not angry at her, I am not angry at anyone for what happened. I just know we miss her deeply. I don’t think that God would consider her action a sin, she was sick and therefore not culpable. Mental illness is a disease. The suicide rate for bipolar individuals is upwards near 95% successful.