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A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said, “I wish you could talk.”

The monkey looked up at the officer and nodded his head up and down. “You can understand what I’m saying?” asked the officer.

Again, the monkey nods his head up and down.

“Well, did you see this?” “Yes,” motioned the monkey.

“What happened?” The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up to his mouth.

“They were drinking?” asked the officer. The monkey nods his head “Yes.”

“What else?” The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.

“They were smoking marijuana?” The monkey nods his head “Yes.”

“What else?” The monkey motioned “kissing.”

“They were kissing, too?” asked the astounded officer. The monkey nods his head “Yes.”

“Now wait, you’re saying your owners were drinking, smoking and kissing before they wrecked.” The monkey nods his head “Yes.”

“What were you doing during all this?”

“Driving” motioned the monkey.

A man was walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:

BUMP...

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.

FASTER...

BUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.

However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping

clappity-BUMP...

on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...

and...

the coffin stops.