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If there’s something *on* the ball, such as spit, K-Y, snot, whatever, the path of the ball can be a little wilder than without, and under the right circumstances could postpone the inevitable drop, or could seem to. Spitters are illegal. Years ago Catfish Hunter did an ad for some soft drink where he used condensation from a cold can of it to throw a demo pitch for some young players. “That’s against the rules.” “Not for me kid, I’m retired.”

Which reminds me that Whitey Ford---who, in his final seasons, used anything from his wedding ring's rasp to his catcher, Elston Howard, scraping it on his shin guard buckles before returning a ball to Ford---once admitted doctoring a ball . . . in an Old-Timer's Game: "I was tired of getting my jock knocked off."

And Gaylord Perry had the routine down so pat that his then-eight year old daughter, asked by a sportswriter what her father really threw, answered without skipping a beat: "It's a hard slider!"

I remember watching one of the Niekro brothers getting tossed from a game (and he was “retired” from the game after it) for surreptitiously filing the ball with (if memory serves) an emory board. Roughening the ball on one side can also change the path of the ball; it can increase the effective energy the pitcher can impart to the ball; and because the ball is thrown a bit harder, that also changes the path of the ball. Even if the hitter makes contact, the odds are better than the ball won’t get any distance.

That would have been Joe Niekro.

Bob Uecker told a story on the Niekro brothers at his Hall of Fame induction speech (with Phil sitting right there among the living Hall of Famers): he, Uecker, happened to be catching Phil Niekro the day he started against brother Joe for the first time. "Their parents had seats behind home plate. I saw more of their parents than they did that day."

Best self-defence against being frisked and/or arraigned on the mound: Don Sutton, who liked to tweak umpires by leaving little notes in the fingers of his glove if and when he should be frisked on the mound. The classic such note: YOU'RE GETTING WARMER. BUT IT'S NOT IN HERE, EITHER.

The classic modern-day confrontation between pitching's grand theft felons: Tommy John, then with the Yankees, against Sutton, then with the Angels.

Early in the game, with the Yankees leading 1-0, manager Lou Piniella got a call on the dugout phone . . . from George Steinbrenner, who was watching the game on television from his Tampa home. "Don't you see what Sutton's doing out there?!?" The Boss fumed. "Why aren't you having him checked?"

"George," Piniella replied calmly, "if I have the umpires check Sutton then the Angels'll have the umpires check TJ and maybe both of them get (thumbed). Have you seen the score? Whatever they're doing out there, TJ's doing it better. So let's just leave it alone."

The Boss took the hint. The Yankees went on to win the game. An unknown scout who was visiting the press box when the game ended marveled: "Tommy John against Don Sutton? If anyone can find one smooth ball from that game, he ought to send it to Cooperstown."

Then there was the day in spring training when Mike Flanagan, then with the Baltimore Orioles, drew Thomas Boswell (the great baseball writer for the Washington Post) aside. Flanagan produced a brand-new, untouched baseball. He rubbed it up a little bit. Then, he broke a wire coat hanger apart, and with the jagged end he cut three equal straight gashes right into the meat of the hide.

"Any time I need four new pitches," Flanagan drawled nonchalantly, "I got them."

Once upon a time, a pair of classic wile-guile-and-whatever-they-could-think-of pitchers, Eddie Lopat of the Yankees and Preacher Roe of the Brooklyn Dodgers, squared off in a World Series game. Casey Stengel, knowing both men were pretty crafty at putting things other than their hands on the ball, marveled:

Those two fellas certainly make baseball seem like a simple game. It makes you wonder. You pay these big fellas all this money to swing from their heels. And [Lopat and Roe] come in and give 'em a little o' this and a little o' that and swindle 'em.