Interesting thought... If I paid you $1 to read your political writing, then would you not, in fact, be a professional satirist? After all, you earn part of your living doing so!
I wonder if having a documented income from your political satirist writings would be sufficient to qualify for this exception? If so, the person who writes the best anti-Obama/Democrat screed will get $10 post-haste, and I'll work with them to roll the code for the App Store!
What we’re talking about here are guidelines — the definition of “professional” is what Apple says it is, not something specific that you could litigate. I’d imagine in the actual contract there’s something like a “we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone” clause.