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I have a moral dilemma that I am sure others can appreciate.

For my whole life, my parents were spend every cent we make (and then some), Dad had a very small pension, and had to retire at 62 due to Rheumatoid arthritis, with no health insurance (his choice, he refused to take COBRA). He is a vet so for the next 3 years he got all his care at the VA.

Mom is still working, but at a service job. She was able to get insurance, for herself through work. They are now 67 and 65, and are broke, but still act like they have money. What I mean is that they live paycheck to paycheck, with no substantial savings, but with the attitude that they deserve it!

I know Dad has no life insurance, and Mom only does as long as she continues to work. They still have a mortgage (despite "owning" the house for 40+ years), car payments, credit cards, etc. Mom blames Dad for the lack of savings, and says "it's not my fault", but no matter how much I ask, she has no idea what she will do when Dad dies. She doesn't even have enough saved for the funeral, and I truly believe that she thinks (despite me telling her otherwise) that when he dies she will just tell the creditors that Dad took out the loans, not her "It's not her fault".

What does a daughter do in this situation? Is it "fair" that I know that someday a funeral director will expect $10,000 that I know they don't have? Is is my responsibility to have a separate savings account to take care of my parents, not because they need it, but because they decided that "they deserved to spend every cent they made".

I am not rich, but I am responsible. I do without a lot to hopefully take care of my and my husbands future. Am I just being to selfish?

What do you do when the "deadbeats" are your own parents?

My wife uses many web sites to save us cash. Threadup is great for kids clothes. You mail clothes your kids have grown out of to others and in-turn you get clothes mailed to you that will fit your bigger kids. It costs maybe $15 bucks to mail a box of kids clothes that will hold dozens of pants and shirts. Kids don’t care about brand names (at least mine don’t) at a young age, so why buy new clothes?

We are also avid believers in paperback swap. We mail books all over the place and get books mailed back to us. It all goes by Media Mail rates, so it’s cheap.

Buy ice skates at local rinks. We have a rink in Boston where you buy one pair of new skates (about $45) and you can then trade them in every year for free for a new pair as your kid’s feet grow out of them.

Never, ever buy a new car. Bought my used Toyota truck back in 2001 (it had about 20,000 miles on it when I purchased it). Nearly ten years later and another 100,000 miles with no problems. I will drive it at least another 100,000 if I can. No car payments.

Just bought a tricked-out Sienna AWD mini-van with every option but a snow cone maker. It was a 2009 with 30,000 miles on it. Saved about $15,000 off the price of a new one.

Pack your lunch and don’t eat out. In my experience it’s much more enjoyable to invite some friends over and grill on the deck. Beer and whine is cheaper, you don’t have to drive, etc.

Take public transportation. We live in the middle of Boston so it’s easy. I never drive in the city or pay to park.

Don’t go to the movies (unless you just gotta see the new flick). We go maybe once a year. Net Flix is your friend as well as the local library.

Pack food when you go on vacation so you’re only buying one meal a day. Just spent the week in NH and brought along one whole suitcase packed with food. The kids don’t care - feed them fruit and cereal in the morning, pack PB&J’s and granola bars for lunch, and then eat out for dinner.

I could go on and on. Together my wife and I make well over $200K a year but are frugal to the bone. My sons know they will have to earn their own way to college. My brother and I had full ROTC scholarships. Saved my parents north of $200K. Military is the way to go.