Posted on 08/16/2010 9:15:33 AM PDT by CSM
Have you considered satisfaction with less things throughout life?
Despite being the most affluent generation the world has ever seen, 54% of Americans have saved less than $25,000 for retirement. We're sacrificing our retirement to support our lavish lifestyles—big houses, cars, boats, flat screens, you name it.
Few people can embrace the idea of cutting back their lifestyle and settling for the basics. But, if you're going to "do what rich people do," as Dave says, forget about impressing your neighbors. Instead of seeking satisfaction in what you buy, why not consider gaining satisfaction from a simpler lifestyle?
Proof That Simpler Lifestyles Work For more than 30 years, Dr. Thomas J. Stanley has studied the habits of wealthy people, revealing his findings in several books, including Stop Acting Rich and The Millionaire Mind. His groundbreaking research has uncovered the truth about the lifestyles of the wealthiest Americans.
Dr. Stanley posted a letter from "Mrs. C.C." on his blog, thomasjstanley.com. Mrs. C.C. has a net worth of more than $1 million, but she has never made more than $60,000 a year. "I have accumulated most of my net worth by living below my means," she said. "I have everything I want, but I have learned not to want too much."
In another letter, "D. Termined," who, at age 55, has a net worth of $2.4 million, describes his family's lifestyle. "I think I paid $67 for a pair of shoes once, and my watch is a Timex," D. Termined said. "My wife has shopped at thrift stores for many years and uses coupons extensively."
There are no granite countertops in his $200,000 house, which was paid off more than 10 years ago. Money saved on the house payments went into savings.
Mrs. T, who is also financially independent, gives 10% of her income to charity, put four kids through college without debt, shops at T.J. Maxx, and drives a Ford Taurus. She told Dr. Stanley, "I am extremely happy with my life."
"Here is yet another case to support my strong contention that satisfaction in life does not come from what you can buy in a store, but rather from the values, beliefs and behaviors that most wealthy people possess," Dr. Stanley concluded.
Finding Balance
While it is important to save and invest for the future, it is also okay to enjoy nice things. Denying yourself the pleasure of new gadgets when you can truly afford them is no healthier than buying gadgets you can't afford.
Some people will be compelled by fear to save more than they need to. Instead of spending money to feel good, they save money to feel good. But the effect is the same—you can never save enough money to feel totally secure if fear is driving you.
Nice job! I’d like to go bigger next year with my gardening. I plan on composting- use your coffee grounds for nitrogen by the way- and using heirloom seeds I’ll start in my basement. I was going to use the YoBaby yogurt cups my son eats as seedling planters, but I have recently started making my own yogurt. I’ll scavenge something up free though. I’m going to order from heirloomseeds.com and I plan on selling extra produce at our local farmers market. I’ll be putting in my first attempt at garlic in a few weeks. All goes well, I’ll have garlic galore next May!
A washer or dryer or microwave isn’t using any power when not in use.
It is heartwarming to see all these FReepers asking to be added to the DR ping list.
FReeper camaraderie is the best!
I was seriously bit by the Live Below Your Means bug in 1981. Still haven’t found a cure for it :) Now retired on 15 acres of pine forest. Have absolutely zero debt. Pay cash for everything. Life is good. And I thank the Good Lord for all this every day.
Add me to the list.
Thanks.
Please add me to the ping list. Thank you kindly!
When plugged in electronics still pull some electricity.
Very little, but I guess it can add up.
I’m very proud of my daughter. She went to work today wearing a silk blouse ($4 at Goodwill), a coordinated leather jacket ($8 at Goodwill), very dressy shoes ($2 at a thrift store that raises funds for hospice care), with slacks that she already owned, and she looked FABULOUS for under $20!
LOL
As a matter of fact ahe does - just finished her nuring tests and boards.
But she is spoken for AFAIK.....
Good luck.
For my whole life, my parents were spend every cent we make (and then some), Dad had a very small pension, and had to retire at 62 due to Rheumatoid arthritis, with no health insurance (his choice, he refused to take COBRA). He is a vet so for the next 3 years he got all his care at the VA.
Mom is still working, but at a service job. She was able to get insurance, for herself through work. They are now 67 and 65, and are broke, but still act like they have money. What I mean is that they live paycheck to paycheck, with no substantial savings, but with the attitude that they deserve it!
I know Dad has no life insurance, and Mom only does as long as she continues to work. They still have a mortgage (despite "owning" the house for 40+ years), car payments, credit cards, etc. Mom blames Dad for the lack of savings, and says "it's not my fault", but no matter how much I ask, she has no idea what she will do when Dad dies. She doesn't even have enough saved for the funeral, and I truly believe that she thinks (despite me telling her otherwise) that when he dies she will just tell the creditors that Dad took out the loans, not her "It's not her fault".
What does a daughter do in this situation? Is it "fair" that I know that someday a funeral director will expect $10,000 that I know they don't have? Is is my responsibility to have a separate savings account to take care of my parents, not because they need it, but because they decided that "they deserved to spend every cent they made".
I am not rich, but I am responsible. I do without a lot to hopefully take care of my and my husbands future. Am I just being to selfish?
What do you do when the "deadbeats" are your own parents?
I never watch the idiot box but I've given up the battle with the wife to get rid of it. But you never know, maybe one day she'll come around.
Here's a great site for you: http://www.auctionzip.com/
My wife uses many web sites to save us cash. Threadup is great for kids clothes. You mail clothes your kids have grown out of to others and in-turn you get clothes mailed to you that will fit your bigger kids. It costs maybe $15 bucks to mail a box of kids clothes that will hold dozens of pants and shirts. Kids don’t care about brand names (at least mine don’t) at a young age, so why buy new clothes?
We are also avid believers in paperback swap. We mail books all over the place and get books mailed back to us. It all goes by Media Mail rates, so it’s cheap.
Buy ice skates at local rinks. We have a rink in Boston where you buy one pair of new skates (about $45) and you can then trade them in every year for free for a new pair as your kid’s feet grow out of them.
Never, ever buy a new car. Bought my used Toyota truck back in 2001 (it had about 20,000 miles on it when I purchased it). Nearly ten years later and another 100,000 miles with no problems. I will drive it at least another 100,000 if I can. No car payments.
Just bought a tricked-out Sienna AWD mini-van with every option but a snow cone maker. It was a 2009 with 30,000 miles on it. Saved about $15,000 off the price of a new one.
Pack your lunch and don’t eat out. In my experience it’s much more enjoyable to invite some friends over and grill on the deck. Beer and whine is cheaper, you don’t have to drive, etc.
Take public transportation. We live in the middle of Boston so it’s easy. I never drive in the city or pay to park.
Don’t go to the movies (unless you just gotta see the new flick). We go maybe once a year. Net Flix is your friend as well as the local library.
Pack food when you go on vacation so you’re only buying one meal a day. Just spent the week in NH and brought along one whole suitcase packed with food. The kids don’t care - feed them fruit and cereal in the morning, pack PB&J’s and granola bars for lunch, and then eat out for dinner.
I could go on and on. Together my wife and I make well over $200K a year but are frugal to the bone. My sons know they will have to earn their own way to college. My brother and I had full ROTC scholarships. Saved my parents north of $200K. Military is the way to go.
“A washer or dryer or microwave isn’t using any power when not in use.”
You would be very surprised. I have found that almost anything electronic is a vampire when not in use. Yes, I measure KwH usage and not cost variances.
Yes it is. I bet that I would be zotted with that tagline on DU!
Dang, I should have clarified the not “spoken for” part!
Fellow DR fans, Please stop in and offer your guidance.
Codercpc,
I have been struggling with trying to offer some guidance wihtout sounding cruel. It happens quite often that I wish I had the grace that Dave has when handling such difficult situations. So, I will try, but I hope my tone isn’t mean.....Now to your 2 questions.
First, when you ask, “Am I just being to selfish?” I understand the attitude behind that question very well. The short answer to this is, NO! Not just NO, but HECK NO. When you were married, you swore an oath to God that you became one with your husband. Your first and foremost responsibility is to now prepare for your family’s future. I would suggest that you read the book “Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud (I think?) It will be very helpful for you in overcoming the guilt of this situation.
Second, what should you do is a very difficult question. This involves many different facets and each one needs to be handled seperately. The first thing to consider is the “powdered butt syndrom.” This is where someone who has powdered your butt will not want advice from you, no matter how much they need it. In those cases, you should find ways to just discuss (or talk about) how following a plan has given you so much more to look forward to in life, so much more peace, etc. Eventually, they will ask “how did you do that” and blammo the door is open to discussing things in a productive manner.
You also have a situation where both of your parents are financially immature and I am sure that you are worried that you will have to financially carry them. After you read the book recommended above, I hope that you understand that you have to look at any financial help you provide to them is no different than giving money to a crack addict. I doubt you would give an alcoholic a bottle of booze, so why would we give spending addicts money to blow? All that will do is bring harm to you and your husband and it will not help your parents at all. If they ask for money to make a house payment (or something) then politely tell them that you love and honor them, because of that love and honor that you will not enable them to keep damaging their lives by giving them money. However you would be more than willing to help them understand how to turn things around.
Now, you also have the potential funeral expenses to consider. If I were in your shoes, while I was bringing financial success into discussions and while disengaging from enabling, I would also be secretly setting aside some funds to cover basic funeral expenses. If you do that on your own, you will know that you have honored them in their final hours. In addition, you may want to have a pre-made decision between you and your husband regarding providing a place to live in the case of sickness, etc. The point of the above is to not enable, but to still understand the humanity of offering non enabling assistance.
One final thought. You didn’t mention their health, or I forgot after my rambling, but they are still relatively young. They could live another 20 years. If they give you the “it’s to late for us” crapola, then you know that they are Eeyores that will continue to use “poor people’s” language.
Every now and then Dave addresses this on his show, and he is very far above me. I would suggest you check it out at his website’s radio show archives.
I wish you the best.
I would sit down with your parents and talk to them. It is a difficult topic to breach, to be sure ... but don’t approach it as a criticism of them, but as a person who has found a financial system that has worked for you. Don’t talk about their story ... talk about yours.
You should be honest with them. Tell them you’re concerned, and that you cannot handle supporting them by yourself.
You’re going to run into the “powdered butt syndrome”, though ... i.e. once someone has powdered your butt and changed your diaper, they don’t really want to hear anything from you. If they won’t listen, there isn’t much you can do except to make your own decisions about how YOU move forward.
At some point, you’re going to have to determine exactly what you think you owe them. Generally speaking, their poor planning does not create an obligation for you — and you shouldn’t make your current family suffer to support your parents.
As a rule ... don’t lend money. Give money, or don’t give money. If you can afford it, there is nothing wrong with helping. Decide what you can afford, and give no more than that.
Hope this helps at least a little. Good luck.
SnakeDoc
I think you’ve handled the answer quite well. We have a relative who, although she was very frugal while raising her children, seemed to decide at about 50 that it was “her turn” and has not been so frugal. Her children chose to pool funds and set up a burial trust to make sure her eventual funeral costs are covered. One of her sons eventually convinced her to allow him to handle her funds, and he has made sure that what she has left is not spent frivolously. Before that, though, one of her daughters had cleared out her own retirement fund to get her mother out of debt - only to see the pattern repeated a few years later.
Get by without a car payment? In my job, Einstein, one doesn’t get paid without having a vehicle.
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