Still better than L. Ron Hubbard.
my friend and i get a kick out of this contest... we love to read the sentences of the top winners... we often guffaw...
Love it...........lmao.
Y’all ever see the similar contest, wherein the contestants must begin their opening sentence with “It was a dark and stormy night...”?
THAT one is HYSTERICAL. I’ll go dig up something resembling a link for ya.
I cant find the link anymore though. It was of course about Hillry.
“a lengthy, ravenous kiss . . . lapping and sucking . . . .”
Sounds kinda like Al Gore getting massage.
OK OK....seems I WAS referring to this very contest (always thought it had to include that offending phrase; but it’s only a contest to choose the worst of that STYLE of writing).
I LOVED this one: :)
Runner-Up:
As Holmes, who had a nose for danger, quietly fingered the bloody knife and eyed the various body parts strewn along the dark, deserted highway, he placed his ear to the ground and, with his heart in his throat, silently mouthed to his companion, “Arm yourself, Watson, there is an evil hand afoot ahead.
Dennis Pearce
Lexington, KY
Winner: Historical Fiction
In Southwestern Germany just east of the Luxemburg border and north of France where history pitted various related Hapsburg Royals against each other and the Archbishops of Trier, the Abbots of St. Maximin, various members of the nobility, and mobs of axe-bearing villagers, there stands a ruin whose building stones mostly were carted off to build other buildings.
Mary Ann R Unger
Ewing, NJ
Runner-Up:
The band of pre-humans departed the cave in search of solace from the omnipresent dangers found there knowing that it meant survival of their kind, though they probably didn’t understand it intellectually since their brains were so small and undeveloped but fundamentally they understood that they didn’t like big animals that ate them.
Mike Mayfield
Austin, TX
Winner: Detective
She walked into my office wearing a body that would make a man write bad checks, but in this paperless age you would first have to obtain her ABA Routing Transit Number and Account Number and then disable your own Overdraft Protection in order to do so.
Steve Lynch
San Marcos, CA
Runner-Up:
She purred sensually, oozing allure that was resisted only by his realization as an entomologist that the protein dust on the couch from the filing of her crimson nails was now being devoured by dust mites in a clicking, ferocious, ecstatic frenzy.
Jonathan Blay
Bedford, Canada
Cynthia had washed her hands of Philip McIntyre - not like you wash your hands in a public restroom when everyone is watching you to see if you washed your hands but like washing your hands after you have been working in the garden and there is dirt under your fingernails — dirt like Philip McIntyre.
Linda Boatright
Omaha, NE
Leaning back comfortably in a plush old chair, feet up, fingers laced behind his head, Tom Chambers inventoried his life and with a satisfied grin mused, “Ah, marlin fishing off the coast of Majorca, a bronze star for that rescue mission in Jamir, the unmatched fragrance of pastries fresh out of the oven at Café Legrande, two sons who would make any father proud . . . I’ve never done any of that.”
Ernie Santilli
Drexel Hill PA
Oneida Revere picked at her meal and stared dully across the table at the charismatic charlatan who had seduced her with the illusion of love and tarnished her family’s sterling reputation; she was wise to his bent mind games and though it felt like a knife through her heart, she knew it was time to stick a fork in it and call it done - her days of spooning with Uri Geller were over.
T. A. Daniel (Seattle, WA) and Craig Rieger (Concord, CA)
Seattle, WA
Their servers are currently overloaded.
Here is one of my favorites, winner of the "Vile Puns" category in the 2005 contest:
Falcon was her name and she was quite the bird of prey, sashaying past her adolescent admirers from one anchor store to another, past the kiosks where earrings longed to lie upon her lobes and sunglasses hoped to nestle on her nose, seemingly the beginning of a beautiful friendship with whomsoever caught the eye of the mall tease, Falcon.
Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world's thirstiest gerbil,Jerry lathered the butcher knife with copious amounts raspberry jam and freshly churned butter and began applying the breakfast concoction to her supple bossom and midsection - Molly was toast.
Molly Ringle, I got two words for ya, bite mei.
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41½ posted on 06/30/2010 8:34:05 PM EDT by Jerry Bull (I'm going to do something to you, something bad.)
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If you want off my ping list get over it!
Reality TV and The View and is going to put this contest right out of business.
Here’s a link to the after thread! A wellesley wench
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1043918/posts
bump
I just read the testimony of the massuese raped by Al Gore. It would be a close second.