American football is practice tribal warfare. Soccer is practice throwing down arms and running for their lives. The third world needs soccer to prepare themselves for when the Americans arrive.
Tribal warfare with Viagra commercials, constant breaks in the action, and interminable instant replay reviews. He-man stuff, there.
But now that I think about it, you have the “tribal” part correct.
My plan for making soccer more interesting:
Assign a sniper for each team. Give him three bullets.
Allow them to roam anywhere in the stadium. They can shoot any player on the field, but cannot shoot the other sniper.
Players would move faster.
And eventually the sport would die our completely.