For What It’s Worth: A reader once wrote to a ‘genius’ (newspaper columnist with a genius IQ) and asked about what causes fanaticism or why it is so hard to change the views of a fanatic by employing factual information. (I think the columnist was Marilyn Von Savant)
Marilyn’s response was basically that the person whose mind cannot be changed on a deeply held subject despite large amounts of contradictory fact (e.g. the problem facing Holocaust deniers) has a personal need to believe as they do and that others cannot persuade them; unless their need to believe as they do changes, they will not change their opinion.
I use this to test my thinking when I do not budge from my own point of view -I ask myself what sort of need might I have to believe as I do. Sometimes I find weakenesses in my logic, but usually I find that contradictory evidence is weak or absent.
When it comes to liberals who ‘need’ to believe that Bush caused earthquakes, Republicans hate the poor, the left are the ‘conscience’ of the people - these falsehoods are held deeply in the liberal breast despite a wealth of obvious contradictory evidence and this makes me think they have a psychological need to believe it. Your former friend needs to believe Palin is vile. Perhaps it helps her fit into her own family (they would reject her otherwise) or she doesn’t want to start down that train of thought that could unravel her own politics which have become her own identity (she is morally superior because she believes x and y). In these instances - you don’t need to provide more information and surfacing the subject repeatedly will never make a difference; if anything, it will harden her emotional need to believe you are wrong and bad.
Well there is a spot of good news in this. You may be taking this kind of disagreement personally, but it really has nothing to do with how you are viewed (a person of integrity) or how reasonable you are (can you reach wise conclusions). It really takes place in the head of the other person and you have no ability to influence her emotional need to believe as she does. You can ‘afford’ to stand back note that she thinks you are 100% wrong without taking it personally.
Forcing a political point with any friend may imply to them that you value the politics over the friendship. Accepting that approx. half the country is in denial about Obama and has woven a thread of unreality about all things republican and that it is no reflection on you or your judgment may help increase your patience with opposing views when evidence is rejected and denied. You may find you can retain more of your ideologically fractured friendships, if you want to.