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Utterly Useless Latin Phrases

Raptus regaliter
Royally screwed

Quidquidne latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.

Feles mala! Cur cista non uteris? Stramentum novum in ea posui.
Bad kitty! Why don’t you use the cat box? I put new litter in it.

Mihi ignosce. Cum homine de cane debeo congredi.
Excuse me. I’ve got to see a man about a dog.

Si hoc signum legere potes, operis boni in rebus Latinus alacribus et fructuosis potiri potes!
If you can read this sign, you can get a good job in the fast-paced, high-paying world of Latin!

Sona si Latine loqueris.
Honk if you speak Latin.

Ne auderis delere orbem rigidum meum!
Don’t you dare erase my hard disk!

Gramen artificiosum odi.
I hate Astroturf.

Furnulum pani nolo.
I don’t want a toaster.

Non curo. Si metrum non habet, non est poema.
I don’t care. If it doesn’t rhyme, it isn’t a poem.

Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.
I think some people in togas are plotting against me.

Fac ut nemo me vocet.
Hold my calls.

Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo.
Don’t call me, I’ll call you.

Cave ne ante ullas catapultas ambules.
If I were you, I wouldn’t walk in front of any catapults.

Canis meus id comedit.
My dog ate it.

Illiud Latine dici non potest.
You can’t say that in Latin.

Di! Ecce hora! Uxor mea me necabit!
God, look at the time! My wife will kill me!

Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.
If Caesar were alive, you’d be chained to an oar.

Vidistine nuper imagines moventes bonas?
Seen any good movies lately?

Nullo metro compositum est.
It doesn’t rhyme.

Fac ut gaudeam.
Make my day.

Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?
Is that a scroll in your toga, or are you just happy to see me?

Braccae illae virides cum subucula rosea et tunica Caledonia-quam elenganter concinnatur!
Those green pants go so well with that pink shirt and the plaid jacket!

Visne saltare? Viam Latam Fungosam scio.
Do you want to dance? I know the Funky Broadway.

Re vera, potas bene.
Say, you sure are drinking a lot.

Utinam coniurati te in foro interficiant!
May conspirators assassinate you in the mall!

Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant!
May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy!

Radix lecti
Couch potato

O! Plus! Perge! Aio! Hui! Hem!
Oh! More! Go on! Yes! Ooh! Ummm!

Spero nos familiares mansuros.
I hope we’ll still be friends.

Mellita, domi adsum.
Honey, I’m home.

Tam exanimis quam tunica nehru fio.
I am as dead as the nehru jacket.

Ventis secundis, tene cursum.
Go with the flow.

Totum dependeat.
Let it all hang out.

Te precor dulcissime supplex!
Pretty please with a cherry on top!

Magister Mundi sum!
I am the Master of the Universe!

Fac me cocleario vomere!
Gag me with a spoon!

Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure.
I can’t hear you. I have a banana in my ear.

Apudne te vel me?
Your place or mine?

Da mihi sis crustum Etruscum cum omnibus in eo.
I’ll have a pizza with everything on it.

Prehende uxorem meam…sis!
Take my wife…please!

Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Nihil est—in vita priore ego imperator Romanus fui.
That’s nothing—in a previous life I was a Roman Emperor.

Labra lege.
Read my lips.

Aio, quantitas magna frumentorum est.
Yes, that is a very large amount of corn.

Non sum pisces.
I am not a fish.

Subucula tua apparet.
Your slip is showing.

Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem!
Stand aside plebians! I am on imperial business.

Oblitus sum perpolire clepsydras!
I forgot to polish the clocks!

Vescere bracis meis.
Eat my shorts.

Sic faciunt omnes.
Everyone is doing it.

Fac ut vivas.
Get a life.

Anulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus!
Let’s all wear mood rings!

Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur.
Oh! Was I speaking Latin again? Silly me. Sometimes it just sort of slips out.

Insula Gilliganis
Gilligan’s Island

Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem.
In the old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept crags.

Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.
I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head.

Purgamentum init, exit purgamentum.
Garbage in, garbage out.