Pan_Yan: Robomatik?
Robomatik: Yes, Pan?
Pan_Yan: Have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water?
Robomatik: Well, I can’t say I have.
Pan_Yan: Vodka, that’s what they drink, isn’t it? Never water?
Robomatik: Well, I-I believe that’s what they drink, Pan, yes.
Pan: On no account will a Commie ever drink water, and not without good reason.
Robo: Oh, eh, yes. I, hmm, can’t quite see what you’re getting at, Pan.
Pan: Water, that’s what I’m getting at, water. Robo, water is the source of all life. Seven-tenths of this earth’s surface is water. Why, do you realize that seventy percent of you is water?
Robo: Uh, uh, Good Lord!
Pan: And as human beings, you and I need fresh, pure water to replenish our precious bodily fluids.
Robo: Yes. (He begins to chuckle nervously)
Pan: Are you beginning to understand?
Robo: Yes. (More laughter)
Pan: Robo. Robo, have you never wondered why I drink only distilled water, or rainwater, and only pure-grain alcohol?
Robo: Well, it did occur to me, Pan, yes.
Pan: Have you ever heard of a thing called fluoridation. Fluoridation of water?
Robo: Uh? Yes, II have heard of that, Pan, yes. Yes.
Pan: Well, do you know what it is?
Robo: No, no I don’t know what it is, no.
Pan: Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous Communist plot we have ever had to face?
Pan: Robo, do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk... ice cream. Ice cream, Robo, children’s ice cream.
Robo: Lord, Pan.
Pan: You know when fluoridation first began?
Robo: I— no, no. I don’t, Pan.
Pan: Nineteen hundred and forty-six. Nineteen forty-six, Robo. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It’s incredibly obvious, isn’t it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That’s the way your hard-core Commie works.
Robo: Uh, Pan, Pan, listen, tell me, tell me, Pan. When did you first... become... well, develop this theory?
Pan: Well, I, uh... I... I... first became aware of it, Robo, during the physical act of love.
Robo: Hmm.
Pan: Yes, a uh, a profound sense of fatigue... a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I... I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence.
Robo: Hmm.
Pan: I can assure you it has not recurred, Robo. Women uh... women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I, uh... I do not avoid women, Robo.
Robo: No.
Pan: But I... I do deny them my essence.
Uhhhh ... wow. I think I’ll go get a vodka tonic. Anyone else want one while I’m up?
OMG! I didn’t think they even MADE Quaaludes any more. Sweeeeeeet!
I guess if you're going to tell everyone who I am I should just go ahead and add my picture to my profile page.