I’ll take #1 with a couple of changes:
Non-Sequitur never leaves his key board (having a special combination desk chair/potty and his mommy brings him food down to the basement) and therefore never ever misses any thread about the, civil war, Southerners and the BC...
The civil war and Southerners, too? Is he a victim? Perhaps that is the source of the chip on his shoulder that led him to fall for all that hope and change stuff which in turn led him to his anti-birther obot job. Affirmative action at work?