Posted on 01/08/2010 4:41:24 AM PST by Lucky9teen
Yes, it was.
I would LOVE for some 12 degree weather, it is -29 here now ambient temp. Thank goodness there is barely a breeze. I should be out shoveling but not going to happen today. Last week our heat was out and it was -27. I am so ready for spring!
Near Fredericksburg , Texas , where there is a large German-speaking
population, a farmer walking down a country road notices a man
drinking from his pond with his hand.
The farmer shouted: “Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin
gesheissen.”
Which means: (Don’t drink the water, the cows have sh** in it.)
The man shouted back: “I’m from New York and just down here
campaigning for Obama’s health care plan, I can’t understand you.
Please speak in English.”
The farmer replied: “Use two hands, you’ll get more.”
After the Ark had successfully landed on Mt. Ararat, the survivors went forth. After a while, one of the wives noticed her father-in-law sitting on the ground and chewing animal hides. Every now and then, the father-in-law would chew a particularly hirsute hide and make a notation on a tablet. The wife asked her husband what his father was doing, to which the son replied, ‘What can I say, there is Noah counting fur tastes.’
Ringo became a gentleman farmer, but was having no success. His neighbor’s animals were all strong and healthy, so he went and asked him the secret to his success.
‘well, for chickens, you wanna plant some corn.’ The farmer said.
‘Right, a field of corn for chickens.’ Ringo replied.
‘And for horses, you wanna plant some corn.’ The farmer said.
‘Right, a field of corn for horses.’ Ringo replied.
‘And for cows, you wanna...’
‘I know, I know,’ Rigno butts in, ‘I want a field of corn.’
‘No,’ replied the farmer, ‘everyone knows it strawberry fields for heifers.’
This is pretty awesome - Enjoy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjBDfZZQz54
Bill sold flowers near a Franciscan Friar abbey. To raise money, the monks decided that they were going to start selling tulips and roses from their garden. Bill knew that this was going to put a serious crimp in his business so he hired the local tough guy, Hugh, to ‘take care of the problem’. One morning, the Franciscans arrived at their stand and discovered that it was burnt to the ground. Despondent, they returned to their old methods of raising money. Moral of the story: Only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars.
You’ve reminded me of this old Monty Python skit:
Eric Idle: I was happier then and I had nothing! We used to live in this tiny old tumbled-down house with great big holes in the roof.
Graham Chapman: House! You were lucky to live in a house! We used to live in one room, all twenty-six of us, no furniture, half the floor was missing, we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of falling.
Terry Jones: You were lucky to have a room! We used to have to live in the corridor!
Michael Palin: Oh, we used to dream of living in a corridor! Would have been a palace to us! We used to live in an old watertank on a rubbish tip. We’d all woke up every morning by having a load of rotten fish dumped all over us! House, huh!
Eric Idle: Well, when I say a house, it was just a hole in the ground, covered by a sheet of tarpaulin, but it was a house to us!
Graham Chapman: We were evicted from our hole in the ground. We had to go and live in a lake!
Terry Jones: You were lucky to have a lake! There were 150 of us living in a shoebox in the middle of the road!
Michael Palin: A cardboard box?
Terry Jones: Aye!
Michael Palin: You were lucky! We lived for three months in a rolled-up newspaper in a septic tank! We used to have to get up every morning, at six o’clock and clean the newspaper, go to work down the mill, fourteen hours a day, week in, week out, for six pence a week, and when we got home, our dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt!
Graham Chapman: Luxury! We used to have to get up out of the lake at three o’clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, work twenty hours a day at mill, for two pence a month, come home, and dad would beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were lucky!
Terry Jones: Well, of course, we had it tough! We used to have to get up out of the shoebox in the middle of the night, and lick the road clean with our tongues! We had to eat half a handful of freezing cold gravel, work twenty-four hours a day at mill for four pence every six years, and when we got home, our dad would slice us in two with a breadknife!
Eric Idle: Right! I had to get up in the morning, at ten o’clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill and pay millowner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our dad would kill us and dance about on our graves, singing Hallelujah!
Michael Palin: Aah. And you trying to tell the young people of today that, and they won’t believe you!
All: No, no they won’t!
It’s Christmas time and Darth Vader says to Luke ‘I know what you’re getting for Christmas’. Luke replies ‘You do not’. Darth Vader replies, ‘I do so, I felt your presents’.
Mahatma Ghandi walked barefoot most of the time and produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him what? A super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.
No wonder the guy at the next gas pump - with ND license plates - looked so damn happy yesterday....we’re in the California desert and have been in the 70’s.
Many years ago, I was coming back from a hunting trip near College Station TX (home of the Texas Aggies.)
I looked out and there was a man standing under a tree with an enormous pig on his shoulders. I got a few miles down the road and finally had to turn around and go back because the curiosity was killing me. I stopped the truck and walked over and sure enough, he had a huge pig on his shoulders.
I asked him why he was holding the pig, to which he answered, rather indignantly, “so it can eat acorns ********”
I said, “Wouldn’t it save a lot of time if you left the pig on the ground and just knocked the acorns off the tree.”
He replied “What’s time to a pig?”
I got back in the truck and left.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
Lol, exactly! I do have to say that the cold is the only thing I have to complain about. I can live with that, life is good.
There was once a small island, on which a tribe of islanders lived in their little grass huts. The king of the islanders received a new throne, every year, on the date of his coronation. The people would then burn the old throne and have a big party.
Once, the king of the island got very greedy and decided that in stead of burning the old thrones, he would keep them in the upstairs of his hut (he had an upstairs, being the king).
After a few years, the heavy thrones broke through the floor and crushed him in his sleep.
The moral of the story is: People who live in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones.
*choke*
Somehow, I knew “someone” would post that.
Thanks!
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