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To: All

Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn’t you say?

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
**This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
*********************.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
** Ya think?
***********

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
** Now that’s taking things a bit far!


Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
** What a guy!


Miners Refuse to Work after Death
** No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so’s!
——————————— ————————————————

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
** See if that works any better than a fair trial!


War Dims Hope for Peace
** I can see where it might have that effect!


If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
** Ya think?!


Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
** Who would have thought!


Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
** They may be on to something!


Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
** You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?


Man Struck By Lightning: Faces BatteryCharge
** He probably IS the battery charge!


New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
** Weren’t they fat enough?!


Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
** That’s what he gets for eating those beans!


Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
** Do they taste like chicken?
****************************************

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
** Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
***************************************************

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
** Boy, are they tall!

*******************************************

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
** Did I read that right?


20 posted on 12/01/2009 9:45:52 AM PST by JustAmy (Republicans think everyday is July 4th. Democrats think everyday is April 15th.)
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To: JustAmy; jaycee; MEG33; Billie; pollywog; LUV W; Mama_Bear; WayzataJOHNN; Kitty Mittens; All

God's Gift

One day when God felt generous,
He looked down at me and smiled,
“Since I feel so magnanimous,
I'd like to give you something, child.”

He asked me what I wanted,
I said, “Oh, really nothing more,
You've done so much already.”
He said, “That's what God is for.”

“You have been pretty good,” He said,
I know there's not much that you seek,
I will pick a little something,
Just to make your life complete.”

With great anticipation,
I looked forward to my gift,
I wondered what God had in mind,
That would give me such a lift.

“This gift,” God said, “You realize,
Bears some responsibility,
So, if you accept my present,
You must be willing to agree...

“To offer unconditionally,
A section or a part,
Of more than half of you,
The larger portion of your heart.”

“Okay, God,” I answered,
“Since in You, I always trust,
I'll meet your obligation,
In the manner that I must.”

To myself, I thought, wow, what a gift,
For so much of me, God's asked,
Now what could be so valuable,
That my share was more than half?

With both hands I sought my gift,
I still did not have a clue,
Then God put your hand in mine,
And said His gift to me was YOU!


23 posted on 12/01/2009 11:45:31 AM PST by yorkie
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To: JustAmy

Love it!


77 posted on 12/02/2009 7:57:20 AM PST by MEG33 (God Bless Our Military Men And Women .God be with them as they heal.)
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To: JustAmy

Oh my gosh! I just now read these “headlines” - I love someone else’ bloopers!


90 posted on 12/02/2009 9:28:57 AM PST by Billie
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