1 or 2 pounds ground beef, the best
1 standard can tomato paste and sauce and whole peeled tomatoes
1 large green pepper
1 large white onion
2 ribs celery
2 to 10 Jalapeno peppers, the canned in oil kind
½ a raw potato
1 can Bud beer
1 shot or two of olive oil – do not use cooking oil (I use Contadina brand)
1 standard envelope chili mix, such as McCormick’s or whatever, but not some weird, esoteric brand…just the plain stuff and a half envelope of taco mix
Some Oregano and Thyme and crushed red pepper and black pepper and a bay leaf or two and some grated Parmesan cheese, such as in the green cardboard tube, and salt and, as to the spices, I use around a ½ a teaspoon or more – it’s up to you as are all the quantities and it’s also your problem or pleasure, don’t blame me.
Method of Preparation:
New simplified directions!!!
Brown the beef a little bit, not a lot…leave some pink. Dump everything into a pot and add water sufficient to keep it from burning while you simmer it for an hour or so.
Now, I must add, for the sake of decency that prior to the dumping you must have finely chopped, sliced and diced the vegetables.
Got that?
Do it.
Dump together as noted and so forth, and by now it’s simmering nicely and you’re keeping an eye on it and adding a bit of water here and there and the lid’s on the pot, slightly askew, a sprinkling of Parmesan and always stirring and sampling and simmering and, three hours having passed, you let it cool and poke it into the fridge and wait until the next day and that’s that.
You want beans? Fine. You also tell unfunny jokes, force your dog to wear rubber booties on rainy days, and are basically miserable. However, if you must….please use drained and rinsed kidney beans and their name is sufficiently disgusting to me or, even better, drained and rinsed black eyed peas, though I recommend neither and how do you spell recommmmmmend anyway?
I figure it may take a lifetime for you to get this right, so forget it. You go on and read that junk in the papers on Thursdays and clip coupons and buy cookbooks.
I don’t care.
You really must mess with this thing a few times to get it to your taste and if you’re the type who follows recipes exactly, I’m already thanking you for not inviting me to your table even though I said change nothing in this recipe. If that intimidated you, don’t cook this chili that isn’t chili.