Lamh Foistenach Abu! Lamh Foistenach Abu!
It's Sneak Some Zucchini onto Your Neighbors' Porch Night!!
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Aug 8 |
Sneak Some Zucchini onto Your Neighbors' Porch Night -- Due to overzealous planting of zucchini, citizens are asked to drop off baskets of the squash on neighbors’ doorsteps. |
Want to grow your own zucchini? We'll provide a few gardening tips for growing & harvesting, but don't blame us if your green thumb creates a glut of summer squash! For gardening information, scroll down past the Top 20 List & Recipes Section.
Top 5 List for successful sneaking of Zucchini or otherwise ridding yourself of unwanted surplus summer squash
1) Carefully place a dozen or more zucchini in a large, sturdy black plastic trash bag, then add a couple layers of unwanted clothing. Drive to nearest Goodwill or Salvation Army, hand over bag to nearest volunteer. Politely refuse any offered receipt. Leave quickly.
2) Look for out of the way places which have signs posted, "Clean Fill Wanted."
3) Reserve 1/2 of the space in large, upright freezer, gather all available plastic containers & freezer bags. Drink a vat of your favorite caffeinated beverage, in preparation for staying up round the clock to puree large quantities of zucchini. This can then be packaged neatly and artistically labeled: "For Zucchini Nut Bread Recipe." These packages can be freely given, along with copies of recipe, to anyone on your Christmas list. [Ed. note: I solemnly promise that I will eventually post this recipe.]
4) Under light of full moon, either stark naked or wearing full army camouflage, carrying a machete or any garden implement, run amuck in your zucchini patch, cutting and slashing. Be sure to thank mother nature for her bounty before and after this cathartic experience.
5) Buy a large roll of freezer paper--the kind that sub shops use to, you know, wrap up their subs & other sandwiches. Then proceed to wrap each zucchini which has managed to grow to a foot or more in length. Next time your child has a fundraiser, send him or her out supplied with these phony subs. Tell child to drop them off with neighbors or relatives and leave quickly. It's advisable that a responsible adult hover nearby in a get-away car.