is reading at the table considered bad manners?

conservativecave ^ | July 16, 2009 | franksolich

[franksolich]

Much to my disconcertment, last night (Wednesday night), a local dowager had complained about my "bad manners" of reading while dining with nine other people; not to me--she had complained to friends of mine.

I was reading the Encyclopedia Americana, specifically the entries about the silkworm industry in France during the 1840s, while everybody else was yik-yakking away.

Of course, there's a practical matter here; too many people, too much light and movement, too much color, which to me is "noise," and so I can't keep track of what's being said, or what I think's being said.

What is one to do? Chew on his food and twiddle his thumbs?

Actually, it's a cultural thing.

It was always de rigeuer that the family dine together, breakfast, lunch, supper, when I was a little lad alongside the Platte River of Nebraska, and an adolescent thriving in the Sandhills of Nebraska.

[tioga]

Exactly. I love to dine out alone with a good book.

[ottbmare]

1. Frank did not initially state that he was deaf. He just asked if it was rude to read during dinner. Generally speaking, it is.

2. If someone can’t take part in a conversation and isn’t proposing to talk or socialize, but only intends to read during dinner, why accept the invitation to dinner at all? Friends will understand a disability, but evidently when you do this with a group of strangers they will be amazed.

Your solution(s) to the problems deafness presents in social situation sound very helpful and effective. I admire the way you handle it. Someday I’ll have the same issue so I’m learning here. And I agree that after 35 years of marriage you don’t have to engage in pointless chitchat; reading and then sharing what you read sounds just as bonding an activity as conversation.

[behzinlea]

It isn’t rude per se. It’s rude if any of the company you’re with is likely to take offense. For example, if I’m eating with my brothers, it’s fine. If I were to eat with someone such as yourself, it’s a safe bet it’d be taken as an insult. So I probably wouldn’t do it in those circumstances.