Bullets versus blades versus zombies (Guns vs. Knives both have their uses)

Examiner.com ^ | July 13, 2009 | Ben Anderson

[appleseed]

As a master zombie scholar it is my duty to fulfill the queries of the people, and I am happy to oblige. Mallory “Subsister” Morrow dropped me a line asking which is the superior weapon class for use in a zombie outbreak. An exhaustive number of factors must be taken into account when preparing for any life-threatening situation, and a war with the walking dead is no exception.

First, some people hold to the notion that machine guns and shotguns will dominate when our fair planet is overrun. These pre-dead are notoriously difficult to persuade and must be denied entrance into your group. Tactical and common sense dictate that only light rifles and pistols need apply for a revenant extermination mission. Likewise only Katana-types, proper axes, and machetes should be considered. As post-apocalyptic survival is concerned, the semi-auto rifle and machete are the best in class, so we’ll focus on them.

A good machete is hefty and will not bend. Do not get it from Wal-Mart. The main drawbacks of bladed weapons are proximity and energy. You have to be close and you have to use human power. However, the numerous benefits of a blade make up for these in spades.

[Salamander]

LOL!

Ironically, a salamander is also a mythological/magical “elemental fire spirit” so I’m covered....;-]

[Another poster said zombies are not especially flammable so there went ~that~ hot idea. I’m buyin’ a machete. Does Wal*Mart carry ‘em?]

[JDoutrider]

How did this get past you? Hurry on over to give some sage advice!

[BigBlueJon]

I have my zombie plan.......do you???

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFLtUxncZcU

[ßuddaßudd]

I’m a big fan of the machete for many years.

[Shooter 2.5]

Cold Steel offered a “300” machete that looked like a stretched out bowie knife. It was supposed to look like a spartan sword. It came with a cheezy looking nylon scabbard that is almost impossible to draw quickly.

I bought it anyway.

[ßuddaßudd]

My work filter blocks that stite for me,,, weapons,,,,bummer,,, sounds like a nice blade to have.
I’ll try and look it up from home.

[TalonDJ]

A .22 generally lacks the force to exit and just ricochets around inside the skull for a while.

That is what some say...Assuming you hit them just right so the 22 even gets in there. With a scoped AR I can be picking the zombies off at over 200 yards. Yeah the .22 is the way to go if your plan is to break into a Walmart to survive. Personally I am already well armed enough to not need to do that.

So much anti zombie advice is targetted at those that are not already armed of trained or anything. Personally the only advice to give people like that is, "You go that way and I will go this way. No, you can't have my spare ammo. Look for a sporting goods store. Good luck."

[RandallFlagg]

Personally the only advice to give people like that is, "You go that way and I will go this way. No, you can't have my spare ammo. Look for a sporting goods store. Good luck."

And if anyone asks you for a cigarette, tell 'em you don't have any, then light up as your helicopter takes off.

[ConservativeMan55]

bttt

[Shooter 2.5]

Discontinued or I have yet to find it on their website. Check their catalogue for discontinued items or call them.

[Shooter 2.5]

I have been telling people for months to store food, ammo, guns and medical supplies. Nothing I wouldn’t be using for the rest of my life anyway.

You think people listen? Of course not. I told one lady that I had a months worth of food so far. She said, “No, you only have two weeks of food”. I looked at her a second and realized what she just said.

Still buying food, ammo and meds.

[RandallFlagg]

The guy has obviously had nightmares about zombies.

About a month or so ago, I have a vivid nightmare about zombies.
The initial outbreak was happening. People running and screaming, zombies attacking at a distance still, having a bit of time to get ready.
I happened upon a gas station that for some reason had an entire wall inside the auto maintenance shop loaded with all kinds of swords. The owner approached me as I was staring at a katana that I wanted to use for defense against the apporaching undead swarms. He refused, but offered me a couple of good firearms. I keps trying to explain that guns aren't good after they're empty.

Then I woke up.

[bolobaby]

Machete? Gun?

Pshaw. Any serious zombie killer is either going to have a lawnmower strapped to his chest:

...or a hand replaced with a chainsaw.

Seriously. Only amateurs use machetes and guns.

[Dead Corpse]

Nothing worse than getting bitten by a flaming zombie.

Anything that destroys the brain with one whack is good. Machetes, axes, swords, are all good. They never need to be reloaded and never run out of batteries or gas. However, they do get STUCK on occasion. You don't want to have five or six Tangos coming up on you and get your nice new Gerber Gator stuck in some shambling Undeads crumbling cranium.

Hi-powered rifles are good, but see aforementioned problem once the ammo runs out. Same with shotguns and large caliber handguns.

A good old fashioned flanged mace or war hammer works the best. Designed not to get stuck, but delivers enough grunt to crush the thickest skull.

[Shooter 2.5]

Did you notice the only time ANYONE in a movie runs out of ammunition is in a Zombie movie?

Once in the head,
Not in the chest,
Headshots are the very best.

Fido-the greatest zombie movie ever filmed.

[wastedyears]

53,595 dead zombies = Zombie Genocidest

(meaning somebody has no life, which would be me)

[wastedyears]

[Dead Corpse]

Those were demons, not zombies. ;-)

[wastedyears]

Yeah, like in Left 4 Dead. They don’t mess around.

[wastedyears]

Tank in L4D with Macho Man voice pack: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRRl3i96E-Q