You know I always drink coffee when I look at radar!
Posted on 07/02/2009 12:13:46 PM PDT by posterchild
It wasn’t written with a potpourri of cut-and-pasted magazine headline letters, but Lincoln police are in possession of what technically amounts to a ransom note for a kidnapped coffee maker.
Lara Volkmann, 54, was cited on suspicion of misdemeanor larceny for allegedly swiping her niece’s Mr. Coffee machine. Officer Katie Flood said Volkmann held the $10 coffee maker hostage after a week of unpaid housesitting.
Flood said that on Sunday Volkmann’s niece returned to her house near 49th and Superior streets and discovered Mr. Coffee was missing.
(Excerpt) Read more at journalstar.com ...
George: She’s bluffing, she’s got it stashed away in there somewhere.
Elaine: This is an absolute disaster.
George: Oh, I don’t know. Check this out.
[George holds up a golden clock he had hidden in his jacket. ]
Elaine: You stole her clock?
[George smiles]
Elaine: Well done.
George: Yep, this one for our side!
What a drip!
Vincent Marotta, the man who created Mr. Coffee, also convinced baseball great -- and noted java drinker -- Joe DiMaggio to become its spokesman. Marotta tells Linda Wertheimer the story of the device that replaced the percolator...
Kramer enters.
Kramer: Hey.
Jerry: Hey.
Kramer: I just saw Joe DiMaggio in Dinky Donuts. You know, I looked in there
and there he was having coffee and a donut.
Jerry: Joe DiMaggio? In Dinky Donuts?
Kramer: Yeah. Joe DiMaggio.
Jerry: I'm sorry, if Joe DiMaggio wants a donut he goes to a fancy restaurant
or a hotel. He's not sitting in Dinky Donuts.
Kramer: Well maybe he likes Dinky Donuts.
George: I don't even like to sit next to a man on an airplane ‘cause our knees
might touch.
Jerry: I can't see Joe DiMaggio sitting at the counter in little tiny filthy
smelly Dinky Donuts.
Kramer: Why can't Joe DiMaggio have a donut like everyone else?
Jerry: He can have a donut, but not at Dinky.
George: I don't even like to use urinals, I've always been a stall man.
Kramer: Look I'm telling— (he does a double take and looks at George) I'm
telling you, that was Joe DiMaggio.
George: The guy slept with Marilyn Monroe, he's in Dinky Donuts.
—
Jerry (noticing something across the coffee shop): Oh my god, it's...
George (looking over): Joe DiMaggio.
Kramer: Where?
Jerry: Having a cup of coffee.
Elaine: He's dunking!
Jerry: Wow. Look at him. The Yankee Clipper. Here.
George: You see? Now that is a handsome man. (Elaine and Jerry look right at
George) Oh please.
Kramer: Wait, wait. *bang* (he slams his hand down on the table) *bang*
(again) *yip* (another high pitched yelping sound) *yip* See? I told you.
< /seinfeld >
lol I hope the idiots aren’t asking for more money than what a new coffee maker costs!
This reminds me. I remember back when I was in my teen years, a few friends and I sometimes kidnapped concrete lawn animals from people’s yards and demanded ransom. One time we even made a tape. lol
Mrs. Coffee was unavailable for comment but an anonymous source with the local authorities admit that she is a "person of interest".......
Mr. Coffee needed more stimulation and took off with Mrs. Grass.
Or perhaps Mrs Butterworth...
Of course someone is gonna have to support all those Little Debbies.....
Better to hang out with Sarah Lee than just any Ho Ho he meets on the grocer shelf.
In other news, Betty Crocker was reported to have burned her buns.......
You’re getting wayyyyyy too into this story LOL
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