| You Are 100% Likely to Survive Another Great Depression |
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Posted on 02/20/2009 4:47:26 AM PST by Lucky9teen
| You Are 100% Likely to Survive Another Great Depression |
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One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. ‘Tie me up,’ she purred, ‘and you can do anything you want.’ So he tied her up and went golfing.
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A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, ‘Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!’
The husband said, ‘Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?’ ‘Doesn’t matter,’ she said. ‘Just get out.’
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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters
‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’ ‘Can you read this?’ the optician asked. ‘Read it?’ the Polish guy replied, ‘I know the guy.’
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Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, ‘I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.’ ‘Thank God,’ said an elderly nun at the back. ‘I’m so tired of chardonnay.
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A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. ‘Careful,’ he said, ‘CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!’ The wife stared at him.
‘What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?’
The husband calmly replied, ‘I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.’
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Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
I have a fifteen year old son in my house... if we had two YEARS of food... he'd eat it right after he got home from school... and still be hungry for dinner.
We tell him that it is not our job to fill him up... just to keep him alive.
I'm trying to decide if it is worth the fight to send this to my wife.
Hey, Pookie... good to see you.
“Based on the fact that everyone here is pretty much in the sixties I think the only ones who would get the 80% and up score are independently wealthy survival types who have a five acre garden and 20,000 rounds of ammunition handy.”
Count me in, your post fits us to a “T”, score 86
LOL!
If you do, throw your hat in the house when you open the door tonight!
‘Face
I own...
This page
My dear sweet coworker still believes the Obamessiah will GIVE HER money.
She sincerely believes this, just like a kid believes in the Tooth Fairy or Santa Claus.
Yepper. Got a real smart one there!!
I bet she still believes in the Fountain of Youth and El Dorado.
As soon as things start actually to come into being, Obamabots will wonder what hit them.
Funniest Thread ever!
Backatcha, r-q-tek86 (spikey?)
It’s hysterical to sit and watch her bloviate about ‘the one’ while having absoluetly zero idea what it is that he is doing.
I bet she takes all his blathering lies as personal promises just to her alone.
I must respectfully disagree. Look at the archives for some of the old OFST where the moderator had removed at least ten comments and someone got banned. Too bad there isn’t an adult section at FR where you can see the stuff that got removed.
Yep... I used to get friendly warnings all the time.
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